ELEANOR MADE ME DO IT

i still think life's short enough

2009-05-18T00:42:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I dropped my vivitar
Today I didn't bring my camera out
I didn't pay attention to the music on my discman either
Just now I forgot my password
and I'm not always sleepy
but I'm feeling really tired
I hope I just need the sleep..

pixie dust

2009-04-13T21:59:00.002+08:00

Hellooo. A couple of days back I was wondering if I should even do this. But I did it and am here not to say bye but to let my space know I'm not leaving you (: I just expanded or divided my blog up. Kim and I started another blog on livejournal because we thought we could make some cash this way. You know, selling old stuff, impulse buysss. Some people would call it pre-loveds. But I never believed in preloves. Unless the thing dies one me or something... So like all other stuff, I'm not abandoning omgitseleanor. I just decided to make this slightly more.. private. More for thoughts rather than random nonsense to flow. Or maybe not, I don't know. But I'm not abandoning you.

Anyway my other blog is shiftybeanpoles.livejournal.com (: it is very cute I know. If I sell stuff there, please buy. And I'll stop going "FUND MEEE".

Also, I've started schooling again. Not officially, just getting orientated. Nothing seems to be happening yet. As of now I only look forward to having dreaded econs again and this time, doing well in it. Hahaha. I will (: I spend at least 3hours travelling back and forth each time I go to the damn school, which is so damn far. But it was my choice, so not complaining here. But I get so bored during these terrible trainrides. So I read.. Only that, the more I read, the more I wish to escape into the worlds that are behind those words that I read as I go on my rumbling rumbling trainride to school :(

first 3 rolls of films

2009-04-05T16:36:00.007+08:00

Kim and I were talking last night about how poor we are and I suggested we start a new combined blog and join nuffnang. A combined blog will allow us to get more hits and so earn more faster. But the idea of it is so commercial it annoys me. I dislike commercial stuff but it seems like a good way to earn extra cash :( and I might end up blogging like the typical blogger with lots and lots of pictures of everything and anything. And this annoys me, not the typical bloggers, but the possibility of me turning into one is. Urgh, soo annoying. BUT I can get to sell my impulse buys as well.. Hmm. I just made an excel document on my expenditures and savings and am so proud of myself haha. I am being so organised :D But in doing so, and after some calculations, I find myself even more broke. So this might be a good idea afterall lah...

-

I recently developed two rolls of film. One from the Vivitar and the other my uncle's Yashica. Some shots turned out really really nice and I can't help but to show off. Muahaha. My old blackbird roll turned out okay too but despite feeling so proud of myself my mummy's not as excited as I am. What's your subject???... *pause and blinks* You think this is interesting..? ....
:\ And I said well yeah. Ha..
Anyhow, some of my favourite shots are below :D (Click to enlarge)

from miniclips

2009-04-03T16:34:00.007+08:00

(: I haven't been posting because there are far more exciting and also rather lazy things to do recently.
Anyway, I've been playing a couple of online games recently and I found out I can post them on my blog! So here's to share!

Polar Jump

Click on the Polar Bear to make him jump as high as possible.

Monster Bash

Help Monster bash the skull as far as possible!

Platypus

Save the world from complete destruction in the Platypus. (I have always loved this game!)

Magic Pen

Collect the flags with the red ball to complete each level. DAMN FUN!

i still want to go snorkeling

2009-03-13T18:53:00.007+08:00

Yesterday I stood for 12hours and that earned me 80bucks.

Today I went out with my mom for a foot massage and that cost 30 dollars.

We also went grocery shopping (sort of) and I got me milk for 4 dollars, ham for 3 and butter for 2. There was also bread and something else from Watsons.

Altogether it was 13.

Oh right, I had KFC twice yesterday during my breaks and that was like, 8 dollars?

I also need to put at least 50bucks back into my POSB.

Okay, so 75 dollars is gone.

Yesterday I stood for 12hours and got meself 5 dollars.

Er....... what the hell.

And it got me so damn tired I wanted to die sleeping because I was that relieved.

There were stuff I had to post about - Desaru, A levels, Aramsa Spaaaa, SPCA.. But I got really lazy and retarded while typing halfway. I am so bored I roll my eyes over and over and over until they are spinning. It's quite cool actually, maybe you could try it, I dont know.

I feel rather spastic nowadays. I really am clueless as to why :\

Okay, not really. Aramsa Spa was one of the greatest things that I have discovered. Remember the time when Bev won my mom a massage over the radio? Beef mutton midnight show thing.. So my mom signed up for a package, a really crazily expensive package, and brought us over last Sat. Kim and I got ourselves an eye massage. The place is cozy like mad. Maybe you should try it too, if you have the money. It is very expensive though. I don't think I'll ever be going back again, unless it's with my mummy. Heehee.

SPCA was awesome too. Am paying another visit tomorrow! Mel has a video of the little ginger kitty we 'adopted'! I hope it's still around tomorrow though. Desaru was pretty good too. Also, that morning I left for Desaru, I was playing with Dimples when I realised how tiny tiny tiny her paws were. But although they were tiny, they looked slightly human, just with longer nails. They looked so terribly cute and I tried to hold them. And guessy what! I could, so I held onto her tiny paws while she drank water. Hahaha.

(A LEVELS. A LEVELS was horror. So was its results. THE results. Do not feel like disclosing anything here. But no way am I retaking it. Pleeeease)

Aiya, I feel crazy now adays. Somewhat annoyingly bimbotic too. Whatever, I don't know why and I don't really like it. But I can't seem to help it. Maybe I'm THAT bored. URGH. I feel very fullofspasm now adays.

On another note. I am NOT TURNING INTO a bimbo. No, I have been reading alot and that has kept me very very happy. I feel like never going back to any formal school again and just read up and study on my own. It feels so much more fulfilling this way, because I actually get to learn about what I'm truly interested in. I get to understand the stuff I'm curious about. Shouldn't learning be like that? Sigh. How else can one find motivation? From one's future employability?!?! Siao, kill me.

hello again, i am so bored..

2009-03-01T17:32:00.005+08:00

There's a weird Korean syndrome going around. Even my mom's getting into it. She bought Full House today :P which is a rather happy thing for everyone in the house but the father and grandmother.. lol.

I found something really cool while researching on my oktomat! I can turn it into mini movies haha, look here! Now all I need to do is learn how to convert it into whatever version those movies are in. Cool huh. I think I'm gonna get a couple of good shots.. Will upload after I develop them! Although, I'm really running out of film at the moment. I need to buy good cheap films and slides soon :( see, it sucks to be poor.

Then I got really bored that day and started editing all my photos. It got kinda addictive. I also turned one of my photos into a polaroid! I am damn proud of it lol.

Looks like one doesnt it! I am so pro. Haha.

ALSO, I recently adopted a feather duster thing as my new pet. It's orange and fluffy. I love fluff and fur.. ever since a was a baby. I named it after the Tibetan Antelopes :D which are really cute.

They're called Chiru. I intend to name my first puppy Chiru but decided to try the name out first (: I think I really like the name alot. Come here Chiru.. Chiru Chiru.. Hee.

Okay it is raining now and I am still bored. Please rain more more more. Oh wait, the NS guys have to go back to camp tonight. Urgh, all that mud. I can't help but feel so horrible for all my NS friends. Take care you all. Don't fall sick or whatever :(

hello everybody.

2009-02-27T22:15:00.004+08:00

There's something I would really like to know. IS there anyone out there who is like me? Who is feeling so numb and empty about stupid march 6 and who already know you'll fail and all you can say or think about is 'now what?'....?
Tell me please, maybe we could form a community. Maybe be friends.. Maybe kill each other. Best. D:

BIGSIGH. Everyone's so worried about their results and are so worried about not doing well. Jacq even dreamt of getting AACC and like god many others just 'want to die'. 'FEEEL LIKE DYING'. But I already know that I'm dead.

So yeah, now what.

I need to talk to somebody. Badly.

-

I keep adding youtube videos here. Can I just add a mp3 link? Urgh. Ugly videos. ANYWAY. BELOW:

I see your dirty face
High behind your collar
What is done in vain
Truth is hard to swallow
So you pray to God
To justify the way you live a lie, live a lie, live a lie
And you take your time
And you do your crime
Well you made your bed
I'm in mine

(Chorus Kevin Rudolf)
Because when I arrive
I bring the fire
Make you come alive
I can take you higher
What is this, forgot?
I must now remind you
Let It Rock
Let It Rock
Let It Rock

(Verse 2: Kevin Rudolph)
Now the son's discrased
He, who knew his father
When he cursed his name
Turned, and chased the dollar
But it broke his heart
So he stuck his middle finger
To the world
To the world
To the world
And you take your time
And you stand in line
Well you'll get what's yours
I got mine

rawrgh.

2009-02-24T22:51:00.003+08:00

OH MY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY.
I am sooooo extremely broke I cannot even feel miserable properly. How do you feel miserable when you know you dont have the money to buy something to make you feel better. You just cannot afford to feel sad. Ayes! I'm so poor that I've got no money to buy stuff I NEED. Don't ask me what I NEED. What I NEED may not be what YOU need and may therefore seem retarded and/or unreasonable to you. Just know that I am so poor I cry day and night. I don't get pocket money, I don't have a job, I am able and willing to work but am unemployed. What more my neverendinglistofwantsss? Urgh.

I can't even buy whip cream or my cookie mix to make me happy :(

kanasai...

"Shut up fatty!" goes Gissy's voice hahahaha.
(it kinda got stuck in my head lol)

-

Of course MY monetary problem (deficit.) is nothing compared to whats happening to whatever larger monetary larger problem out there. I wish poor kids and animals out there at least have food to eat and a place to stay :( and I am just joking about crying day and night. I'm just feeling too poor lah.

Come come, please fund me :| all forms of donation accepted.

-

something i heard from animal planet (:

lets go to.. borneo

2009-02-18T23:13:00.004+08:00

I just watched Dugong and Din on Animal Planet and it has made me really really happy (:

I do feel like going scuba diving now!

I've been job hunting recently.. And sadly, nothing has worked out yet. I need money terribly! There's soo much I wanna do. So much free time!!! I am rotting at home so much I want to plant stufff!

Yesyes, I really wanna go scuba diving! And to work in a zoo! And to take a plane overseas and play with snow...

:\ *sighs hopefully*

(Dugongs are also called sea cows! Because they graze so much under the sea, eating up little sea plants and algae on the sea bed (: )

cottonballs

2009-02-08T22:19:00.007+08:00

Hello world. You have no idea how happy I felt when I managed to find all the songs below. Heehee..

(version is wrong! the one I heard was sang by a guy. was way cuter than this..)

-

CNY is ending. Any idea how sucky that is? :(

Ruby Ruby Ruby

2009-02-03T00:12:00.000+08:00

This is for Joy.
I finally dreamt of you! Hahaha, for real. I don't exactly remember it.. but I do remember you and I hanging out till really late after school one day and I got really worried that my mom would kill me. Asssk meee about the dreeeeam (:

Today Gissy and I went walking around and snapping Chinatown. I'm not sure what I liked best but I think Chinatown isn't that bad afterall. I actually like it Gissy! Maybe more than Bugis you know. But maybe it's just because I got to snap pretty shots of Chinatown haha.
See here for snapshots of our misadventures! Or er... go to the woman's blog for other adventures as well hahhahaha.

CNY was great fun even though I lost more than 6 bucks from gambling with the cousins lol. But I think I know where all my money went to.... to the littlest boy with the biggest set of hands and feet! Ha!!
On Sunday night we got slightly crazy as well, and went around shooting with Rach's Holga. The poor girl didn't have an adaptor and had no colour flash and had to improvise everything herself. I'm sorry I couldn't advice her any better. Anyone knows where I can get cheap adaptor, besides Khloee and Granny's? I also have noo idea why everyone's taking photos now adays but I am amusing it's a not-so-cheap thrill. Still, I hope no one's cameras will go to a waste and that the photos will turn out fab. I still want the picnic though (: Very very looking forward to it!

Aiya.. rambleramble gibbergabber.

i like CNYs

2009-01-28T23:08:00.002+08:00

I've had sooo many weird dreams recently. That night I dreamt of Jon. We were both on an excursion with a bunch of other students (don't know what students) at an airport/museum/space looking place. We were so lost and so were stuck together. He also had a camera and was taking many many pictures. Soomehow we got annoyed with each other and I ran away. I wanted to go clean my tears and pee and ended getting stuck in a capsule like toilet that would go "underground" instead of having you to close doors.. Then I forgot what happened.
On yet another night, I dreamt that I was returning to PRCS and MOE had turned it into some weird hi-tech and very clean place. It was damn confusing and I was cursing at MOE.. I went walking around, very lost and then I found out that they had connected the school to an MRT station, so now PRCS has its own MRT station, awesome for students for stay faaaar away. Direct transportation to school lol. And then connected to the MRT station was a shopping mall like place. I went walking around there and met a girl. I have no ideeea who she is. So I met the girl and we became friends and walked around the shopping mall together. I remember feeling excited because there were alot of cheap and cool stuff around until we saw this guy staring at the both of us. I'm not sure if he was.. stalking us, but he was there. He was this short, freaking ugly guy with er, bowl cut?! jet black hair and was wearing a black spacemilitary top and bottom. And he was squinting at us, don't remember but he just looked evil. So he started chasing us and we had to pretend we didn't know he was following us soooo closely and yet had to run away. Walking quickly, we slipped into a lingerie shop and hid inside the dressing room. THEN if I remember correctly, we both took a pair of stockings each along with us and blew them up until they look like those NDP blow up stick things and that became our weapon. One was a pink one and the other was a brown pair. It was bloody scary.
AND last night! Last night I had an even weirder dream. Eunice and Esther were in my dream. We were back at school and our school was by the sea. Er.. somethingsomething.... and then Eunice came to tell me that she liked this guy and wanted to confess to him after class. SO after class we went out to look for the guy at the school's playground area (veryvery funny, like preschool. Anyway, I think it was the flag raising area). And there we found him with his friends, he was kinda cute by the way (: And right before she could say anything, the sky became very dark and people started gossiping about an enormous storm/hurricane/lifetaking thing that would appearrrr. And theeeeen suddenly the enormous storm/hurricane/lifetaking thing appeared out at sea (think war of the worlds) and gobbled up a ship. Everyone just stared at it and did not move. It got closer and closer and bigger and bigger and darker and darker and we allll started screaming and finally turned to run. But I couldn't run fast enough, I didn't know where Eunice or Esther was, or Eunice's cute guy was. I could feel the bloody hurricane behind me and I could see parts of my school flying around. Runnnnning runnning runnning and crying.

:\ Bleeding scary I tell yooou.

But I still like my dreams. Especially when they feel soooo real. I read something about lucid dreaming, where you actually are somewhat conscious and are controlling your dreams. Am not sure if these are lucid dreams but they're damn cool. Damn cool that they're just dreams too heh.

-

CNY was pretty cool (: It's supposed to still be 'on' but I don't know. The only things that seem to keep the CNY spirit is the goodygoodies on the table and the decorations and the little gold bracelet around my wrist.
I wish CNY could go on forever because everyone would be home and I'd get to see all my dear cousins and otherelatives and occupy myself with being happy.
I want everyone to be home :( at least I have a friday, a saturday and a sunday to look forward to. Looking forward to stuff keeps life going. Really.

(BTW! The Loyang Tua Peh Kong temple has live cows for you to go hug :D They have like 6 cows all in different colours! Heeheehee)

i think i do like dreadlocks

2009-01-21T22:30:00.006+08:00

Yeah yeah, Eleanor died a couple of days ago and along went her blog. Lol..
I've been pretty occupied these few days. Maybe I could do a recap! :D

21 Jan - Stayed home and watched too many episodes of ANTM. Went to the park and made a failed attempt to climb the spiderrr.
20 Jan - I actually stayed home and slept in and washed my own clothing. I also watched my poor maid Jenny ironing for.. 2 hours? Was also Eunice's birthday (:
19 Jan - Shopping with Joy and Eunice!
18 Jan - Mummy was off and we.. went to do Bev's CNY shopping. Visited my granny.
17 Jan - We went to the ZOO!
16 Jan - Completed Bugis with Gissywoman
15 Jan - Slept in
14 Jan - Movie with Dad and Kim
13 Jan -
12 Jan - Class dinner at.. Sempang place
11 Jan - Outing with family at Vivo
10 Jan - Aunty Cheryl's book launch and first time at a bar
9 Jan - Jon goes to NS
8 Jan - Lunch with crazy sec school mateys and movie with Jon
7 Jan - Lunch with Jon and pay collected!
6 Jan -
5 Jan - Bev's birthday! And shopping with Kim at Fareast

Haha, doing this recap thing actually makes me feel happy. A sense of fulfillment I must say (:

Anyway, I am extremely lazy. And I just wanted to record this down..
Scotty was snoring. Hahaha. And I might get employed.

I also spent alot. But I sweeeear, I have cut down on me expenses already (;

sunflowers

2009-01-17T01:40:00.003+08:00

Hello crazy online folks! :D Short updates!

Today has been a pretty interesting day for meeee. Gissy and I roamed the streets of Bugis, or finally finished roaming. We kinda did it in three or two parts. The Arab street place was best and we found plenty of quirky shit there. I bought myself a bag and an elephant coin purse!! Am very happy as you can see. The crazy woman has photos (which she should be posting some time soon or later lol?) so go browse!
We also walked around Haji Lane. There were manymany little boutiques opened by darn successful blogshops I think. And the people who opens these shops are young people. Cool or what! Your own shop at the age of 19? There were many other people there too and it was like day club or something. Okay lah, very interesting experience for me, even though I didn't buy anything. Haha..

-

My mum went abit crazy today. I sweeeearrrr. On my way home today she called me and said, "Girl! You never help me today! I went shopping and bought so many clothings leh!"
"Oh good what!"
"*whispers* I bought 10 pieces leh...." said very guiltily.
"Oh my god?-"
"*still whispering* I spent 400 plus leh......"

I laughed like mad. So she showed me her 10 pieces of clothing just now and they were really cute. I' m just extremely happy for her because I love it when I see her happy. She neveeerrr spends any time or money on herself, or as much as I think she should. And today she did and she seriously looked as though she's attained some sort of realisation. Don't know.. But it was a delightful moment for both of us :D Hahaaa.
But she did tell me "You want me to dress like that right?" in a happy way. Somehow that made me feel guilty because that way she's doing all this not because she's happy but to make me happy. Sigh, but I guess she did look genuinely happy and that's what matters most.

(:

Also, has anyone thought if it was possible if man (us, we.) could alter his sleeping patterns so that we would only have to take naps like every now and then? Would that lead to more productive work??? Say we NOW sleep for 8hours per day (24hour) on average. So that would leave 16hour of awaketime. But I still feel tired. How about sleeping for half and hour after every 2hours of being awake? HAHAHAH. Aiya, I am very lazy to do the math. But might be fun. Maybe I will try it one day (:

empty blinking things

2009-01-15T16:14:00.004+08:00

The last time I had to touch 'self worth' was three years ago and it might have been a forgettable topic.

hello!

2009-01-14T02:08:00.005+08:00

-
I wanna get employed but no way am I gonna be selling whatever 4D or toto betting system. What, promote betting? Must've been out of my mind.

you are all crazy.

2009-01-12T23:53:00.005+08:00

Is it true that if you bum around too much, your life stagnates?

Correct.

Is it true that one should start something like a list so that you wont bum around too much and so that your life wont stagnate?

Correct.

Is it true that a stagnant life is bad?

Correct..

Is it true that mosquitoes will breed in your digestive system if such a situation were to occur?

Not correct.

Is it true that Eleanor is too mean and tactless?

Yup. I mean, perhaps..

Is it true that Eleanor should be less mean and more.. tactful?

Er, huh????!

Is it true that one should never be too fussy with his/her company?

I suppose so..

Is it also true that one should learn to appreciate everything else in life? And not spend shit time on shit things every shit day?

Well duh, what have you been doing?? Siao.

I need to be more useful and productive.

My sister just got her O level results today and they weren't very satisfying for her. I am therefore starting to feel rather anxious over my results. I don't think I would be so upset and affected as to cry over any bad results. I think I've become quite numb already. But maybe I won't talk much. Maybe I might become slightly moody and anti-anythingatall. We'll see how it goes huh. Hmmmm.... how? Uni, how? :(

I want to

1. Read all the books I have on my table.

2. Load the film and bring my blackbird out for a nice walk.

3. Bake again.

4. Do up the shop! (This one has got to be numero uno!)

5. Get another temp job.

6. Not feel like shopping :(

7. Go on an adventure..

8. Learn Tagalog and/or Latin.

9. Feel intense happiness.

10. Wake up earlier to do the all the above.

And I heard what they make you do in the army:

The guys have to wear ugly shit brown singlets with their shorts tucked real high up and socks that come up to their knees.

IS THIS TRUE?!?! OMGGG. IS THIS TRUE?!?!?!?!

i'm what? turning 19?!

2009-01-12T00:05:00.004+08:00

Oh no, my friend left for NS and I didn't say byebye. I feel awfully guilty..

So, BOEY! WHEN YOU GET OUT OF ARMY THIS IS HERE FOR YOU.

I HOPE ALL'S WELL AND TAKE CARE!

love el

and I also hope my other botak male friend is doing well. The army better return my dear friends to me as they were. I'll be miserable if they don't and then hate both the army and the government.

>:(

4 days, 4 nights (and counting). All the botak men running and running...

As I was travelling today I kinda properly realised how much I'm enjoying my currently carefree, random life of bumming around and hangingabouts. Sleeping till whenever, working whenever (whenever possible that is, i'm still looking for more temp jobs! ) and really, having alot of fun. But it also dawned on me that I haven't been doing anything significant within this veryhappy period. Which is really bad. I have done many slightly significant things, like attempting to catch up with friends, attempting to earn some income online, attempting to bake, attempting to sew my own stuff and attempting to read.. But they're all mere attempts. Either oneoff successes or still half done. And I suppose it kinda reflects on what kind of person I truly am :( a really sad person.. with really bad time management and with no passion or determination at allllll......

Or something as close as that. How weird is that? Life seems so fun but then still quite empty and pointless too. That or I'm abit siao and am not thinking properly. Oh well, it still remains sanely true that it's time to do more important stuff before the anxiety of receiving my results comes close enough. Lol.

Oh yes. Beanbagbeanpaste and my aunty.. My aunty's a really inspiring person. I was never really close to her but she's friendly enough. I see her as someone successful and someone happy. Kinda like what I wanna be. But I'm aware of how much hard work she's put in and how genuinely nice she is AND I'm aware of how I am none of the two. Which is once again, sad for me.

I suppose I do need to start thinking about my future, whatever dark and dim future of mine. It is coming too close :( I wish I knew the choices that I have to consider and I wish I could first drag myself back to the mean bloody reality.

The thought of it is already very nostrilflaring.

ooh, I advertise! haha

2009-01-11T15:23:00.004+08:00

Hello online people!

Gissy and I are selling ikimono instocks, click HERE if you wanna buy!!

And my aunt recently wrote a children's book with her boyfriend (also husband lol), click HEREALSO to see. It's pretty interesting. She wrote and illustrated the whole thing by herself when she got bored in Japan. She sent it in for a competition and won. Sooo it got published and is now being sold in all major bookstores. Go check it out and please support :D

(So yesterday I went for her book launch thing. It was pretty interesting. Ayes, will update on that soon. Am to head out now!) (:

2009-01-07T22:14:00.001+08:00

Hmm.. I think I feel annoyed.

Is this considered as having a mood swing?

wahhh.

please start talking

2009-01-07T21:29:00.002+08:00

There are three or more voices in my head.

Only yours isn't.

Maybe I'm bad at listening, or maybe like everyone else, you think I'm an awkward child.

At least we got to see the sushis

2009-01-04T00:27:00.003+08:00

Yaw! I got my first pay cheque today.

Honestly, I was getting rather comfortable and was near liking my job. But I had to throw a little temper at the end and had to face the terrifying japoidiot of the 3rd floor and had to face his retarded spasm at seeing hair and naked clothing.

400 slips of OUT invoice things, usually 2 mootiy things, voyage never happens, fluff hand set somethingsomething, versace homme set, and nearly always 1,1,2,2,1,1,1,1...2,1,1,1,1....

Hahaha (:

don't try.

2008-12-26T21:23:00.003+08:00

you know what sucks?
biasness.
you know what sucks more?
jealousy.
along with them two, war and terrorism.
i rank them all equal.

i am an angry child/teen.

shakeshakeshakeit

2008-12-21T00:33:00.002+08:00

hello.

Today has been a shit day. I have folded the same piece of knitted sweater for over 8 million times. Along with some other knitted and non-knitted wear, over another 8 million times and having stood for 7 hours :( but the company was pretty swell. Although I am getting bored of the music that fuels us. I actually found the daddy yankee cd, but opened it to find no cd. Most disappointing thing since the longest time. Can imagine?? Noo...

On a random note, the only difference between animals and humans is that we are egoistic and vain. Also, like Mel said, "animals with cutlery". How can we be humans if we are to have no humanity? Oh and we are the only mammals who have sex because it feels good (: okay, the dolphins do that too haha.

Is nice you know?

circus

2008-12-20T00:25:00.001+08:00

hello :(
i am extremely tired from the crazy shifts i have been made to work. but it is okay because work is good it keeps me working and keeps the money coming. i have great friends there too. but it hasnt been so great recently because of some unusual happenings around the area. christmas and new year is coming. so is next year's godearly chinese new year. i have shopping to do, but where do i get the cash to pay? this is therefore upsetting. very upsetting. it really annoys me to know that the idea of shopping can get rather conflicting to me. to buy or not to buy? its not like i really need it. but its also not like i dont need it at all. i got 7 pieces from the store. i work for the stuff i work with. how dumb is that.

yesterday Domi passed away. we all cried the night away. kim and bev buried her in the morning while i was at work. she will rest in peace along with the mummy Daisy. i sigh... because i feel helpless and annoyed. i feel more terrible over how i didn't seem to be as pained as when Daisy died. but i loveed Domi alot alot alot. now Dimples is all alone. it upsets me even more. I wish i could do more for my hamsters. and Scotty too, I hope he won't feel too neglected. I love the baby boy as much too. I cannot imagine the day when both die. I dont want it to happen :( therefore i have yet another reason to pursue a certain course if i really do not make it for my A levels and have to enter a poly. I suppose the route would be fine. but so far i haven't been supposing stuff correctly. I am horrible.

I love you Domi :(

It seems appropriate for me to start a christmas wishlist. a more economical list.. i know. why is everything so bleak. i need my paper and markers now. AND i need to get a handydandynotebook thing to start organising my pathetic life.

*circus also refers to Britney's new song. I hear her entire album at least twice a day. at least it has a pretty good beat. i'm glad she is able to get out of her previouslypathetic life and move on. even to express it in good beat.....

oh yes. there is also the Jonorniter. i find it amazing (more interesting though) how people like us manage to stick together. you realise how different we are? yet i feel comfortable with you guys, i do miss you. only, i wonder why this is so. i also wonder if this feeling is mutual.

(you know jon is the only one who never uses that word. what? not poetic enough is it?! lol.)

pics on esther and joy's blogs (:

glisten

2008-12-16T19:56:00.000+08:00

its sad if you only aim to be beautiful

Suddenly I feel young again!

2008-11-24T21:39:00.002+08:00

It is so overwhelming that I haven't showered since the time I reached home at 7. Tonight I shall write out a prettyprettypretty list and draw pretty tiny boxes beside each of the lines AND I shall slowly but happily (or quickly but happily, whatever so long I am happy!) TICK EACH OF THEM OFFFFFFF.

But first, shower.

see you soon :D

2008-10-23T17:09:00.005+08:00

I wanted to tell you all that I'm gonna go on Hiatus! (about time eh!) And didn't just want to type

HIATUS!!

like I intended to. Or like...

HIATUS

(always looked cool to me haha)

I am too lazy and busy to go create a pretty sign that says the same shit. SO, I went to google and googled for images on Hiatus. And I found the perfect one LOL. HERE. No, I am not placing it here because it looks creepy to me. But seriously, it reflects the situation completely.

There were other pictures. Seriously funny. (If you see this pink photo that has a black border and that looks like a shot of something inside you, dont click it. I swear, it must be an anus or something. Freaking gross.)

Okay, study hard and play hard! :D

putumayam!!!!!

2008-10-17T00:44:00.002+08:00

what next, what next? today's thur. tomorrow's fri. i wasted today yet again. i feel like tearing everything intobits and pieces like tearing paper. i prefer cloth actually. like tearing cloth. cuz right... you hear that SSHSHHSZZZZZ sound. its cathartic. to a..... certain large perversed extent. i have yet to hilight all m yshit text. and so mnay texts i have. whhyyyyy did i ever get myelf in this pooshit. so clever right eleanor!??!?! tsd and lit together ah. PLUS econs. econs never existed. no.. math never existed. worse still gp. gp is zero. ackackack. the sky will turn black and dropdown on me. missn's face will turn black and cause world war threee. i need that thing in bnw. what the hell is it? hypnosis?!??! omg i forgot. howcanthis be.........

play God

2008-10-08T00:23:00.003+08:00

Today my hamster escaped. Thankfully we found her. But after returning her back to her little container cage, she's been on her hind legs since, reaching out for the edge and trying to climb out. She reminds me of something. I think she has been enlightened by the many different smells that gets blown into her cage. Seen the bigger meaning bigger world out there perhaps... I did wonder what she could be thinking is out there. More food? A larger berry field?? But sitting here looking at her, I feel like hamster God or something. Seeing my own little Domi struggling to escape, but not allowing her to do so, preventing her even. One would wish she would stop it. Then you look over at the other one, Dimples. Fat, asleep, contented. And Domi attempts to bring her along on her crazy adventure but she isn't bought into it. Instead, she gets freaking annoyed by her mad fidgeting hamster sister and gets stepped all over. I stare at the both of them in amazement, and realise I'm thinking of giving the good little fat hammy a shrimp (oh they love it so very much). Maybe Domi would want one too, and maybe she'll be good. But I also wonder why I'm stopping her from escaping. Perhaps she isn't happy in there. But outside could be worse. Even within the house is bad enough. Scottyboy could eat her up in one gulp...

Now she seems to have calmed down a little. She went digging for sunflower seeds and was cleaning hereself. She's fallen asleep now, rolled up beside Dimples. In time she will forget for the better. Give up or forget,

Dimples (note the poor swollen foot :( ) and Domi

the brain is an amazing piece of humanbody!

2008-09-28T01:50:00.003+08:00

If you get bored of studying (or not studying) like I did... here's something really cool (:

Holophonics is a form of sound recording that employs a dummy head recording arrangement and is based on the hypothesis that the auditory system acts as an interferometer. As with binaural recordings, the sound characteristics are most clearly heard through headphones. Holophonics should not be confused with holophonic recording (or holophony), which is a system of sound recording over the surface of a sphere.

(off wiki!)

Okay, now try this virtual haircut shit. It freaking feels so real and that's scary!
http://onemansblog.com/2007/05/13/get-your-virtual-haircut-and-other-auditory-illusions/
click on the first one. Remember to get your headphones!
And then try the others, I'm gonna do that now haha.

Oh and there's this site too: http://www.damninteresting.com/

Omgodddd. They're so real I get chills down my spine and everywhere else...

*****

Kim was revising English today and she found something old I wrote in English class (English sounds so weird when its called GP now. It feels stupid because everything is in English, so it doesnt seem possible to have a class on English. Like, lets study English. Weird...)
It was a lesson on descriptive writing and we were supposed to describe a character. This is what Eunice and I got out:

Character: An old pervert.
...What a dirty old man he was!
...He cackled to himself and rubbed his wrinkled hands together as he continued ogling at their thighs in pure glee.
..."They don't know I'm here. They don't know but I know where to find them!" he giggled to himself insanely.
...His greying hair was in a messy array and there were ugly bald patches in it. A big black mole stuck out from the left of his chin and unsightly strands of hair grew from it. His beady eyes darted from woman to woman, scanning their entire figure. He hugged his skimpy figure with his own bony arms as he soaked himself in the sickening pleasure. He went around with only his pair of ragged shorts with no top on.
...As the women walked past, not even noticing the dirty old man in his corner, he smirked to himself yet again.
..."They don't know I'm here.... They don't know, but I know where to find them!"

HAHAHAHHA.

Cinderella parody

2008-09-23T00:31:00.003+08:00

If you get Canto, watch this. Full 3min and 26seconds of laughter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tw9rCovFsc&feature=related

I went abit crazy with Disney songs and now I have like 6 of them in my phone. Heehee, new songs to listen to while I ride (or walk.. it depends) my way home :D

URGH! SLUTWHORE!

2008-09-21T00:27:00.001+08:00

:( this made me so furious! I saw worser pictures. Waaaay worse.

http://secretlifeofshoes.blogspot.com/2006/03/cat-killed-by-woman-in-stiletto-heels.html

I love you Daisy

2008-09-19T21:50:00.004+08:00

I got a little baby hamster for my birthday from Mel, Cai Xiang, Nia and Jacq.

And she died today. It doesn't make sense and it isn't fair to her.

I am really sorry Daisy.

In loving memory of Daisy

The last photo was taken off Wiki.

She was a Roborovski dwarf. One of the smallest and fastest. And the sweetest too. She was really shy initially but was fierce. She'll make hissing sounds when you try to touch her. But I guess she got used to me and I grew to love her. I'm just so sorry you had to go so quickly. Take care baby Daisy.

doomdeahda..

2008-09-11T23:46:00.005+08:00

I have a sudden urge to try going for a spa or some therapy or massage thing. There's this place, Fabulous Studio at Cathay Cine, and they have a Dr Fish skin exfoliation therapy! Its the therapy thing where many tiny fishes come swarming around you and nibble off your dead skin. HAHAHA. It can sound grossly weird, but I think it sounds super fun. It's 49bucks for half an hour of full body immersion (: I feel like giving you all a maniacal smile right now haha, but really, anyone up for it? (We could bring Poe along if that makes you happy and go study after! :D) And you can wear a bodysuit in case you're really shy and all heh.

There's also a $10 one just for your feet.. but no thrill. And.... indoor tanning, teeth whitening and I-have-no-idea-what-oxygen bar services? Sounds like drinking flavoured oxygen (: HAHA. If there's such a thing I wanna try it too, I think I've heard it somewhere before. Either that or it was a pretty cool dream. Anyhoos, I still think Mister Fish exfoliation sounds fun and I get to play with the fishes too!

(LOL, I just did free advertising.)

Today Mel told me about a long forgotten song. I never thought you'd know it by the way haha. It was Missy Eliot's Pass that dutch. Then we started trying to sing it and it was pleasing to recall it. It's another type of happy feeling. But also brief, maybe as brief as the 'one sort of happiness', sadly.

I am also amazed with how the human mind can recall stuff and can go back into memories. Like flipping a storybook, with pictures. Coloured, and most of the timewith audio voiceover haha. I'm not slow to "just notice it", but I am slow to have just learnt to be amazed and appreciate even more.

And I have a random question! Do you think I look like I like pink? Like my face or my behaviour or whatever. Answers on tagboard please, thankyous.
And, I realised today that I do like kaya toasted bread alot. Like alot alot. I only realised after staring at a picture of a jar of Frezfrut Nonya Kaya. And I only found out that kaya was made of eggs (and coconut that I know) when I bit into Yakun's kaya breeead and tasted eggs. Haha. Oh, and I also thought that the orange kaya had coconut and green one had none. Until my granny told me that kaya was made of coconut (oooh she left out eggs thats why I didnt know kaya was made of eggs too! AHHHAAH) and the green had pandan in it. Kukulahhh!!!

-

I feel really worried for my poor friend Jacq. She has KI IS and Art coursework due like reallllly soon. If there's anyway you can help my friend, if you see any articles on wikipedia, or have any unwanted alarm clocks or any cool music that you don't want let me know! Thank you very much!

I find this so difficult.

2008-08-31T19:04:00.003+08:00

What would you do if you had such a horrible person in your life, but you're obliged to love him/her. Because you are related, because he/she is still human. Because he/she still needs to learn. But you see no chance for any learning to take place because the core is so rotten. Because you might be making a damn big deal out of nothing. Really? NO. Because you love the people you're both related to, and he/she's not the only one going to get hurt. Oh yes, he/she can feel hurt. But such a front has been put up, for too long or not, but it is confusing you. Because he/she might not be a horrible horrible monster afterall. Because your anger and irritation is just you being petty. Because you were like that then. Because you're all gonna die one day.
Because you still haven't forgotten what she used to be.

So what would you do? Hmm?

Oh no, what have I done?!

2008-08-29T22:44:00.003+08:00

I think I will have a hamster mayhem on my birthday :(
I think more than 5 people agree that 'getting a hamster is the easiest/best/most suitable gift'.
I think my mom and dad are gonnna killll meeee.......
What if, I get two females?! And they end up killing each other.
And what if I get two females and more males?? They'll end up having mad hamster sex AND killing each other.
What if they take over my bedroom and studyroom after killing each other?!

Oh no.

Oh no. I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight...

Adam?

2008-08-26T14:02:00.006+08:00

jacq: n you can name it Adam.

26 Aug 08, 00:26

jacq: i will get u a muscular brown hamster. big one. dangerous.

So Jacq, I hope this is the sort of Adam you're talking about...

:D :D :D
Still cute as hell! Apparently no "muscular brown big dangerous" hamster exists. Haha.

(I got the picture from here, the site's pretty interesting, go check out the stuff on it!)

urggggh

2008-08-25T22:12:00.003+08:00

I think, I have to, have to, have to admit it already. I have to admit it to myself.
I am a lazy student :( I suck and am failing my tests, exams, prelims because I am lazy and haven't been studying. It's not TSD, not 'short attention span' however true that is, not because I'm tired. I am just plain lazy.

URGH.

See lah Eleanor, you are gonna fail this prelims like mad :(

:D

2008-08-25T20:59:00.005+08:00

This could possibly be one of the most important post everrrrr. Serrrrioussslyyy.....

Eleanor's Birthday Wishlist! ahead below.

Good for you and good for me (: WHY? Because you don't waste your money buying stuff that might not be useful, and you don't waste your time brainstorming what to get me. I would obviously benefit because I get my bday presents! Awesome eh??!
That is, assuming you ARE gonna get me my 18th birthday gift.
Mind you, it's my 18th, very important. Almost as important as 21st. I can take my driving license now, can watch M18, and do other stuff the non-18 year old people can't do. Nehnehpoopoo.

(and yes, my prelims is over. it didn't go too well, but at least it is over. so i am taking a soma holiday tonight!!)

THE LIST

1. Garnier pure self heating suana mask. Cucumber or Clay & Zinc
2. Any stationary. Markers, pen, liquid paper etc.
3. Contacts Re-wetting solution. NOT Storage or Rinsing solution
4. Female Dwarf hamster! (with a tiny hamster waterbottle :D)
5. White musk body satin polish from Bodyshop
6. Straight cut jeans in grey/denimblue/black. I'm a US size 1 or 2! Plain please, no weird glitter or sequin stiches.
7. A nice haversack schoolbag. (Not necessarily green, I just wanted to make my list colourful!) But NO shades of pink or purple.
8. A leather bag. Postman is fine, not too big or small. Faux leather, definitely hahaha.

9. My teheehee-and-hahahoo. I want it tall, huggable and lovely (:

And I tried to arrange it according to price just for you!!
(Please, if you are gonna get gift number 3 onwards, try to get more people so it'll be cheaper, and so I still get the gift haha!)

Although, if you do get anything else, I'll still appreciate it loads (:
If anything else comes to mind, I'll add it on! But don't give me decorative stuff, quite useless you see or anything that smells.. funny.

Love, Eleanor-oh!

2008-08-20T16:51:00.002+08:00

aiyaaaaaaaaaa....

why do people like to chew on pearls? because it's fun? because they're really chewy?

I know what one sort happiness feels like. Bet you you don't know it. The sort I know of is one that feels like cotton candy. It's like sugar air and it blows up inside of you. Occupying your lungs, so you breathe sugar breaths and you face so you smile sugar cubes and you brain, so you stop thinking.
For abit.
Then, it melts and evaporates...

Mr Botak Chew is damn funny. When the time's up and when you have to put your pens down, he goes DONG! to tell you so. Hahaha. Silly man.

pleasant dreams

2008-08-17T22:34:00.002+08:00

I finally got to watch the Bucket List yesterday night. Watch it if you haven't. You'll thank yourself for watching it (:
I hope Morgan Freeman is better already.. He seems like a wonderful person.

While watching Scotty play today, I realised why I love him so. And why I fear getting kids. I realised there'd be none as honest with his love and appreciation for me as Scotty's. It's this thing about animals.. and some kids I suppose. Most children perhaps. Their innocence and simple minds amazes and touches me and I hope that they'd never get tainted.

i think i wanna be vegetarian..

2008-08-13T23:15:00.002+08:00

looks quite fun.. and healthy eh? :\

AHHHHH!

2008-08-13T22:18:00.002+08:00

So many queer, I stare, stare

queer, and stare.

queer queer, Till my poor head

queequeer aches

people around me. like !!*! !

I was studying at coffeebean (and tealeaves! haha) today. Reading GP for 3 hours straight can be torturous. I became mentally unstable and started scribbling all over my notes. I've torn a page out of my econs, the bloody I-own-econs book, while studying for some subject test by the way. URGH.

Studying alone today became abit weird after awhile, because so many weird things happened.. Many people were walking around, many of them came walking in, some of them I knew, half of them said hi, the others stared as if thinking I didn't know they were staring. *pft* what nutheadedshells. Very annoyed, for no reason. No, it's not the period, nor is it the stress I think. Why then, was I so annoyed? Hmm.

While studying, I was quite tempted to paint my face with black paint, with a huge brush. The big brushes used to paint walls you know? I felt like buying some big canvas sheets (or get a friend to steal from the art room teehee, joke) and splatter some paint around. Felt like painting queer live-size human beings. In all sorts of positions. We're too rigid. We should try crawling and sprawling around more often methinks.

I am frowning alot. Kim thinks it's permanent. Die?

And I like Amy Winehouse (: she's good without the drugs and all. Here, just to share.

Cooler Shizz yo!

2008-08-11T23:58:00.006+08:00

Hahaha. I'm kidding.. Silly monchichi (:

Hey lookie here! I'm like Walt Disney and Lewis Carroll and... Tom Hanks aaandd..... Alexander the Great!! See, told you, cooler shizz haha.

But I wanna be like Peter Jackson! But that's Jon and the monchichi :P And Cai Xiang's the Advocate. So much for having good politicians in Singapore. Haha.

-

On a second try, this is what I got:

Which is.. interesting. There are points in both results that are more accurate than not. In my second, I tried to do the quiz in a more bochap thoughtless manner (meaning more natural manner???) and tried to pick stuff I would pick, but for some reason, didn't on my first try. I think for some, I imagined myself to be in an entirely different situation and so the answers differed. But the answers are still honest. I think people should take tests twice, and once every 10 years. Just to see how they've changed. Ayes, to see how a person can be so fickle, to see how I can be so fickle.. was interesting. To know that I am aware of how fickle, and how affected I am (and how anyone else is by their) by my surroundings, and how this all affects the results (therefore having to take tests once in 10 years) was very very interesting (:
And, I got "temperament NT (intellectual)" twice. Hahaha. How interesting!

07A06 :D

2008-08-09T01:39:00.001+08:00

'what thaf eleanor!"

such beautiful things

2008-08-06T21:56:00.003+08:00

Somehow, I seem to keep coming across really really sweet touching things online tonight. Kim showed me this video

How adorable is that?!?! You tell me! Christian the lion looks like mega-sized Scotty. HAHAHA. Especially since all his fur's shaved off now.
Anyway, I then went to look for this! (it's like the next obvious move right?)

(: they managed to make Nala look like some seductive female..

AND THEN... my mom sent me this really sweet email. It's a dog who walks on two legs, because his front two paws are gone. I've always wanted to know how Scott would look like if he could walk around the house like a little brother. And now I see this.

I think I will sleep very happily tonight.

♥

Is Paintball only for guys?

2008-08-05T21:36:00.004+08:00

I just saw a couple of my friend's photos.. of them playing PAINTBALL!! I've only seen it in cartoons and movies but it looks super fun. I seriously wanna try it. But I have to go elsewhere don't I? Like... Bali? (He played it there!) Hahhaha. Whatever, it really looks damn fun. And damn painful too, the guys had red marks everywhere in the end. Must have hurt so bad.

Okay, so who's up? HAHAHA.

switch on the light at the end of the tunnel, please?

2008-08-02T23:08:00.003+08:00

"nononononono NO!"

The video made me cry. Made my mouth taste bitter. I'm feeling so emotional recently. Not emo, emotional.

I am studying these few days. Slightly harder than normal. But not as hard as I can push myself. For things to turn out better, I'm gonna push myself.

I notice myself becoming less daring, less brave. I've become so demotivated. Yesterday at tuition, I said 'Somewhat'. And I keep using the word 'Slightly'. Such neutral, safe words... Mrs Or senses it too. "You don't dare to right? Cuz you've become so demotivated" Yeah, I'm quoting my teacher, my GP tutor.

Urgh. Crystal balls :(

Crystal Ball by Keane
Who is the man I see
Where I'm supposed to be?
I lost my heart, I buried it too deep
Under the iron sea

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall

Lines ever more unclear
Not sure I'm even here
The more I look the more I think that I'm
Starting to disappear

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong

I don't know where I am
And I don't really care
I look myself in the eye
There's no-one there
I fall upon the earth
I call upon the air
But all I get is the same old vacant stare

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong
So put me where I belong

yet another insignificant day

2008-07-30T17:56:00.004+08:00

I have this huge ulcer on my lip. Steph kindly lent me her tube of Oracort-E (sounds like something from Handmaid's. Like streptacock-g haha) which she claims is darn good. But I think I must have applied too much. So now my tongue is numb :(

What a queeeeeer feeling.

On the way back home, I started staring at people again. I noticed how different I was. I know how obviously different everyone is, but I realised I've never really went down to notice what was so different, or why I'm feeling this particular way recently. I think it's the crazy amount of stress I am going through. Or putting myself through, as so many people have suggested... I stared at this girl in another JC uniform and looked at her bag. Freaking small bag she carried, and I looked at the number of books I had in my hands. And decided that she must be from a sec sch, with uniforms that seriously look like a JC's. Which sane JC student wouldn't be studying now?! I frowned. Then I noticed this guy sitting near the back. He had a cool beanie. I didn't know if he was chinese or malay. But he had a cool beanie and cool earplugs on. And at the next stop, this girl came up. I thought she was rather pretty. She sat beside me and fiddled with her earplugs. I continued to read Poe. Then she fiddled some more. Fiddled with her hair, her makeup, her top... I felt so annoyed. I turned to look, and realised she wasn't so pretty. Like, her face.. See, stop being so annoying and people might have just remembered you for something better. So fidgety. Then there was a girl in a blue tube. She was skinny too, like me. She had her hair tied up in one great big bun. I thought it looked hilarious. She didn't fidget much. But that one sat sooo still, as if afraid her makeup would slide off her face. Yeah, I frowned at her face... But she had nice big earrings. Probably a poly student. Lucky poly students.. So much time to dress up and play and do projects. But perhaps their lives suck as much too :( From how Esther, my poly-going-friend, has never been seen anymore. Or spoken to anymore. Then an old woman sat beside me. She wore a checkered dress and gold rimmed glasses. So queerly vintage. Miss Norzian doesn't like the word queer. But I think it sounds kinda cute. Queer Queer Queer Queer. My tongue is still numb. You can't pronounce words even in your brain if you don't move your tongue or any part of your mouth AT ALL. Go try!

Then the other day, I saw the army people alighting from their army bus. All that green. Imagine running around trying to shoot green people. How are you supposed to see them? So insane! War would only be nice if people road on horses and used bows and swords. And if a little girl, probably named Lucy, could run around with a magic elixir and start healing people. What fun. But watching those army men walking by, I then imagined other army men running after them. Hahaha. Imagine the american men. How huge they'll be standing beside the Asians. It's not really fair isn't it? Why Asians are so small? In a way it's cute.. Especially for hockey players, and whatnots.

Urgh, I am getting a headache.

I shall attempt to read Poe and if I fail, I shall sleep.
Sleep is always always good.

Bacchae in a sentence:
A God and a cheekopek King (and other men), play dress up to peep at mad, possessed women with snakes and weed in their hair dancing along the moutains.
Hahaha.
I swear I love Bacchae. It is hilarious (read pg 57 man!), but not as insane or meaningless as Absurd.

animations worth watching

2008-07-22T23:41:00.002+08:00

Really cute animations. Shall stop mass posting youtube videos on my blog! I get annoyed myself sometimes. Anyway, now you have to click!!

I'm sure you may have watched some of these before (: But they're good to watch again.

Kiwi
The Last Knit
Stupid Birds (I died laughing)
some funny advert

Okaydokays! Time for Great Ex!!!!

may passion burn, if thats your passion

2008-07-17T20:39:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder. After doing so much? Will I ever do it again? What's going to come of all this... And all the blood, sweat and tears I've really put in.

better days will come

2008-07-17T19:47:00.004+08:00

Hello! I am taking more time off from 'doing work'. I just ate JAGABEES!

They're really nice fat potato fries. You should try them.. The ladies love them soo much! Especially the crazy steph! Haha.

Oh, I remembered wanting to post this:

On sunday, Scott went back to visit his mom :D (lol, sounds so funny) I didn't go because I had to prepare for IS the next day. But just look at this! They look the same! Ahh, there's two of my baby! They're so adorable!

Angel and Scotty

And guess what! Scott has only one ball (which is bad because then he cannot be used for breeding..) and we all thought it was like, a deficiency on his part? But then.. my mom came back and told me that, his brother Angel (what a name!) has one ball too! Queer isn't it? They're like separate siamese twins man. Hahhaha... Fluffy furballs.

Hmm. I feel like having some nacho cheese to eat. So very tasty. The school ran out of stock because there was a delay in shipping. Haha, how retarded.

It feels good to have so much more time now. It feels like water flowing through my hands.. so much it's flowy and refreshing. I do like it. But it does feel different. So unused to not having to stay back late, rehearsing outside the bookshop area. I swear I saw people standing around expectantly yesterday. They wanted to watch us rehearse!! Hahah. Well, too bad for them. No more free entertainment in between classes. Even Ms Peh stops to watch us from the second floor.

But sigh. Even with the extra time, catching up is gonna be difficult. Yeah, the time's plenty but plenty gets wasted easily if we don't start getting productive now. I think I can score for math. Annnd... maybe Econs and Lit will go pretty well if I try hard enough. But how does one do GP?!?! THAT I need to know! I just dont have brainspace for remembering all that crazyass current affairs. URGH!

I wanna go cut my hair :( But I don't know how I want it to look like.

Hmm.. I DO want to go shopping. But I should save up that money for something more meaningful.. But I did like that dress so very much! And I think I'll need a bag...... Oh, and I've always been wondering, how do girls walk around in heels 3inches high?! But I wanna try them one day. Only that, I think I'll fall right flat on my face as soon as I hit out. How embarrassing will that be?! So.. CANNOT! I need Cai Xiang or Ros to teach me man. Ha, so exciting for meee (:

I am rambalingalingaling. I should go study now.

HOOSAH! FULL STEAM AHEAD YO!

lizards from hell

2008-07-13T01:18:00.004+08:00

Today Kim started yelling her head off and went THE LIZARDDD!!!!! I thought it was another retarded fat ass lizard, and I know how much we all hate them. But then when I went to the back to see why there was sooo much noise (even my brave cockroach-catching, monkey-hunting maid was yelling) I got the greatest shit scare of my life.

It wasn't a fat ass lizard, house lizard lizard. But a freaking komodo dragon!!! :O :O

Okay, it was a baby. A komodo lizard.. But equally retarded and freaky. See! Those are babieees. What kind of baby is that??!?!
(But it's smiling eh? The one on top.. haha. Photo's as big as those damn lizards)

Then everyone started running out of the kitchen, and Kim slammed the door shut. So my maid and I were stuck in the kitchen with the lizard. With the door shut and my maid blocking the only other way out, I had no where else to run and panicked so I stuck myself between the walls (like you do in the void decks when you were a kid) until Kim opened the door.

It was hilarious I tell you.

In the end, my mom banged the komodo lizard with Scotty's dogbowl a million times, swept it into the dustpan and flung it over the wall. It didn't move until quite some time later. My mom thought she smashed its lungs or something.. :( I don't know where it is now though. Probably off bothering someone else.

Ayes! But the only person unbothered was Scotty! He was more than happy to see such a big piece of rubbermeat running around! Kim said she went into the backyard and saw him scuffling around the floor like mad. Then the next thing she was was the lizard scuttling for its life like mad. They both had their mouths opened and the lizard was making hehh-ing sounds at Scot.

I swear I died laughing man.

ARGH! Big adult komodo dragons are horrendous. And they have smelly killer bacteria-filled breath...

-

:( TSD Set on Monday. Which is tomorrow.. considering it's 2am now. I do feel like dying. So much more to do. I shouldn't be here should I. Hmm...

:( sociology doesnt sound fun!

2008-07-12T01:01:00.003+08:00

snagged this off joy's blog (:

(why does it look awkward and messy?!)

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Psychology/Sociology

You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Psychology, Sociology, or related majors (e.g., Counseling, Industrial-Organizational (I-O) Psychology, Social Work, or other social science majors).

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Psychology and Sociology are both great minors to add to any major. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

81%

Psychology/Sociology

81%

Visual&PerformingArts

81%

Religion/Theology

75%

Education/Counseling

75%

English/Journalism/Comm

69%

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

63%

HR/BusinessManagement

56%

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

56%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

44%

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

38%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

38%

Mathematics/Statistics

31%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

25%

Okay, so I'm pretty safe? But psychology can get kinda boring huh.

watch us ladies!

2008-07-10T00:58:00.002+08:00

Check out our tableaux!
Paveena goes, "cheebyes of the world unite!"
it has become our motto.
But we don't exactly live by it.. Do we?

hahaha.

we're gonna do well (: yes we will.

ayes, why so bitchy?

2008-07-04T19:28:00.004+08:00

Today Mel and I youtube-ed some videos on deep sea oceans. The creatures living under are so terribly pretty. But more terrible than pretty. They have neon glitzy animated bodies and gazillion hugeass sharp teeth. Two look like humans. Two looked rather cute. They had huge eyes and a kissy mouth. HAHAHA. But one had black eyes and the other had white, like those of a fried fish. And some other weird fishes. We gave them names according to how we think they might sound haha. Oh, and one that looked like jacq's painting of the guy's back, hunched with his perky butt showing.

I realise I express myself through sound. Or more like noises. Like grunts or snorts or growling. Hahaha.

Hmm. I wonder. What do two people, who used to be close, who aren't so close anymore, talk about? Why can't two people talk normally just because they lost stuff-in-common. Why do things turn boring? And you feel so sad after. Sometimes you feel regret.
Then again what do people talk about anyway?
I want to learn something new.
Come on world (or god), impress me please.

:(

Have you ever felt a-sort-of-horrid-feeling because you think that you've hurt a person who truly cares for you? So what do you do if you know you can't do anything to make the person feel better? Sometimes I think I know how it feels. Because I feel the same way too, and believe me we're not alone. But if this is such a horrible feeling, how do you change it or stop it?

hungry

2008-06-28T19:50:00.003+08:00

I want to eat a juicy apple. And icecream. And chocolate and coffee. And drink some gas-filled nonsense. And.... eat prata with sugar. And dumplings with sugar. If I get sick of sugar, I want maggimee. And something chilled. Maybe juice.

(:

Something out of my diary.

2008-06-28T18:20:00.013+08:00

I am starved. All I had since today morning was a piece of bread and a bubbletea. It is 6.20pm. Should I eat dinner?
Today Gissy taught me something new. I thought it was pretty cool. She told me if I were to spin in the right direction, I would gain strength and would win her in arm wrestling. I guess I must have spun in the wrong direction. That's why I have shown to be so weak today. Weakling.
Where do I start? This isn't the first time I've been saying that today.
My mum dragged me down from the third floor. I was sleeping on the floor, or more like forcing myself to sleep. Torture. Self-torture because I felt guilty. I cried alot and everywhere felt sticky.
She hugged me and told me she loved me. I cried harder, because that's not what I wanted. She pushed me into the bathroom and said she understood me. Nonchalantly you know? "I understand you..." just like that. That's not what I wanted so I went out of the bathroom. I heard her say Shit. My mum doesn't say Shit. I feel like crying again.
I gave in and sat back down in the toilet and she began talking. Apparently she didn't want me to bathe. Didn't love me or understand me. Just wanted to talk and talk and talk somemore. Of what help?
I am all ears. Talk. Eleanor. Talk.
Eleanor talk.
Talk Eleanor talk.
I shook my head again and again and again and I cried and cried and cried.
I apologised. She didn't care for that. I said I don't know. I said I knew I was in the wrong. I said so many things.
But I thought of so many things too.
Where do I start?
Who is this woman sitting in front of me, my mother. How would talking to her make this all disappear. Does she even understand me? I know I think so differently and so very differently from her. Would she be able to catch what I say. Already all that tears would clog up my words. How about the meaning? I don't even know what I mean or what I want to say. I don't know if she would understand. I don't want to hear more from her. I don't want to spoil whatever image I have of her, both bad and good. I do love my mother. That is why I feel so bad, I wanted to feel pain, to know I have cured myself of all the wrong I have done to her. I believe it to be that great. I do love my mother and that is why I cry. I want her to stop loving me, because I am unworthy of.
The next thing she tells me made me stop thinking and start thinking. A different thought, on a different track, a thought that was locked up away from my head for a long time. See how much I have distanced myself from it.
She tells me to not let my emotions take control of myself. She tells me I have a strong raging emotion that rages everywhere. She tells me that. I imagined myself to be a fiery thing, a bird, something close to the majestic phoenix. But that wasn't what I was. I was flappy bird with flappy retarded wings on fire.
She left and I pushed the hair away from my face.
I stood up and walked towards the mirror to look at what I have become.
Disgusting. Then I thought,
Look at that face, with so much behind it. All that tears! How emotions are tangled.
What do the tears mean? She asked me. What do your tears mean. Tell me. Eleanor. Eleanor tell me. Tell me.
I stripped and walked into the shower. Some sort of numbness sank in. Was it numbness or was everything so messed up I didn't know how it all felt?
But I reached out to turn on the shower. It was so very refreshing. Then I realised how much I needed it.
All that tears, oil and dirt. It is being washed away. Slowly, I feel myself again. Water pours down on my head. I feel it, it flows down my face, down my body, down my legs. The oil and dirt gets washed away. I let more water pour down and I reached up to scrub my head. I scrubbed and rubbed myself and scrubbed and rubbed myself. So delightful. Then I took shampoo for the hair. Finally, a fresher smell. I wanted to taste it. It foamed in my hair and some came down my face. I could even feel it now, foam on my skin. So soft and nice and so good-smelling.
I turned the temperature up, and washed the soap away. Conditioner. Hair conditioner. Like re-conditioning. Soap for the body, soap for the face, to wash it all away. For a moment I stopped thinking, and started thinking again.
All that great emotions. Why am I choosing to do this, to wash it all away. But I knew there's so much in me that's so hard to say. Is this what I have become? Once I distanced myself from what I used to be, I emerge as something so awful and yet sweet? I like what I have learnt because I think it's improvement of the self. I live by what I have learnt and will teach what I have learnt. But what have I forgotten? These things don't match. They clash, with a bang and leave that monstrous face that places itself over mine. I look back in time to think, to consider which is better. I know the best way is to make it blend.
I come out of the shower and look at myself. What is beauty anyway? People talk about ego, too much or to little? Or is it pride instead, if you look at it positively. I do think I am beautiful in my own way. But looking at the mirror then and there, beauty didn't matter to me. All I felt was the freshness. I liked it, I think.
But I am still left clueless. What do I do now? Where do I start?
What I do know, however is this.
I did make a promise to my mother. It was also a promise to myself. Something I said while tearing the whole time, while being so confused and messed up. This came out quite clearly. I shook my head and said, Just know that I will stop doing this.

Therefore I am going to eat my dinner. It is 7.03. I am also going to stop loving those I should have stopped long ago, those I loved through my self-delusion. I am going to place those feet of mine on solid ground. To pay attention to what needs attention. To learn to blend both new and old together, and be stronger.
Basically, I am going to stop being a retarded flappy bird with wings on fire, and get myself back together.

when do you start seeing things differently

2008-06-28T01:32:00.006+08:00

Why's there the pressure to grow up? To grow out of? What's wrong with us now?
What's wrong with how it all is? Why do you crave? Want to or need to? Why do you imagine or get creative? Stop making things up or trying to believe. I bet you're just confused and insecure. Why not place your faith somewhere else now..

If you continue to play something you like over and over and over a time too long. It fades into the background and you stop noticing it. Maybe you start feeling annoyed. Bored? Perhaps.
Oh, then you stop listening to it for awhile. You're just sick and tired. Some time later, you dig it out again and listen to it. Maybe this time you want to get it back in your pods or phones so you can listen to it again. You know, reconcile, catch up, bring it back?
But the experience is different isn't it? Maybe not. Maybe it's the same and you get sick again. It goes over and over again. Ooooh. The GP tutor says vicious cycle....

So when's the time to grow out of it?

Stop wasting time playing it again in the first place.

But it's a catchy tune! That's why you even played it, duh.

Maybe you share it with your friends. Ah, maybe they like it even better than you now! But you're happy to share it ain't cha?

Yes, so happy.

So sick and tired and happy. And happy and sick and tired. And maybe you'll end up killing yourself by just being so sick.

Let's just hope you get yourself together and move on in your afterlife. If you don't, you know you're hopeless.

This is hilarious.

2008-06-13T00:14:00.003+08:00

These might be offensive. I warned before hand (:

It's stuck in my head now lol.

HAHAHA!! Die laughing I tell you..

Scotty don't love me no more :'(

2008-06-09T01:52:00.002+08:00

The other day, she said to me:
"No more water? No more contamination...??? No more bjork!????"

Sigh. Yes no more, there's nothing left.
I feel so sick of what I am doing. Isn't that the saddest thing on earth? What's the saddest thing on earth? The saddest thing ever is to not like what you are doing. So tiring, so draining.

Set design. Imagine me, creating more sets.. for god knows what play, which theatre. And I hate each of them. What a sad person I must be. Eleanor, you suck. BLAH....

I want to spend more time with family.
And sleep.
And food.
And exercise.
Frug school.

booty camp.

2008-06-09T01:14:00.004+08:00

Mama shipped me off to school the day I hit 5.
At 18, I am being booted into a BOOTY CAMP.
Hey, serious work here people.. serious work...

Hence and therefore, Eleanor shall, like every other poor booted person in TPJC TSD, be uncontactable. From Mon to Thur, 8am to 11pm.
Call me after that. I would probably need to hear your voices again :(

goodness me!

2008-06-03T19:41:00.004+08:00

Hey guys. Have you seen this?

Super freaky huh.. like a walking STD time-bomb.
Oh well, good example for GP essays I guess (: And I thought it was so funny she kept going 'cuz I got it like that'. Seriously shows how she's influenced by the media and all.
By the way, I kinda hated the Maury guy. He was being so insensitive towards the poor mother. He kept bringing up worser stuff and for what? Sensationalism? Pah... Morons. But you did get entertained didn't you? Sucky sucky vicious cycle man....

EDIT: You know, I went on to browse more videos on Maury's stupid show and found moore of such videos. All 'whores' and all loud and vulgar. I think whats irritating me now isn't just how these girls are allowed to roam around and not care about getting AIDS and all, but how the stupid old man go looks for these stories (or hires someone to) and airs them on his show. He makes the girls think they'd be famous and blahblahblah. And he gets audience in (maybe even sells tickets? Who knows..) and just hold a lameass talkshow about a girl and the people love it, or hate it. But after the whole thing, you see it's the mothers who really get hurt. They're the ones who're embarrassed. Their daughters love the fame, the audience get excited and then just leave, maybe bringing along a gossip or two. And Maury, damn ass Maury, gets the money and his show going. Nothing matters to them, because the tangible stuff ends up hurting the weeping mothers.
How annoying. Why do I even watch stuff like this? Annoying annoying...

***********

Group piece over. What's left?.. MORE :(

unworthy of you.

2008-06-01T15:33:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I went to the school's band concert. I sat alone. Initially it felt awkward, and you keep wishing you'd spot a friend or two and join him. But then you learn to embrace the lonliness and wish even the people around you to disappear. "You are becoming emo" you think. But no, it has this certain tranquility, despite sitting in the dark with people laughing and this kid yelling. Then you start brewing your own happiness, and pain.

you surely would not understand

2008-06-01T15:18:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking so hard and so long about it. You know, maybe what I've been thinking might end up true. Like I said from somewhere at the start, this is all on my part. An illusion, see? Or at least, hope. A very very strong hope and the inability to let go of this clinging on to it. I see more and more how it may never happen. Especially when you are going through this all alone. Especially when you're so close, and like they say, and yet so far. I've chosen to not believe it for sometime now. But it's still so hard and tiring. I feel unworthy of. But sometimes I wonder if this is better. I feel I know you, well enough. Then I feel I don't. Not at all, and this saddens me. I want to know you and be there for you. But I see your face, it's ignorance and... different. I feel we're on different levels, but to some extent, the same. This is so very hard to explain. Nowadays, I feel so detached. Not just from this, but my family too. I'm starting to feel the 'no one can understand me' shit. All I want is for there to be happiness.. But I look around me and see how far it is. You're so funny. I feel carried away and blown away by you. I feel like I know how to dance if I were to dance with you and everything else would be perfectly wholesome. I want that tattoo, I want to let it be with me throughout. Embrace. But then I often feel myself falling. And you drop me and I sink, out of your arms. Tears. But this isn't why I fall. I let go of myself holding on to this dream. Why...

Everything feels meaningless again.

eat your porr-idgee. tis no poem...

2008-05-30T22:45:00.003+08:00

first lorry ride yesterday (:
the wind was blowing
i could barely open me eyes
and then Pav took a photo
ayes, so unglamourous!
such a grand entrance we made
no one looked
but it felt great
with the wind in your hair
and you so near the sky
let's go lorry riding one more time.

stress has two effects. depression or insanity!

2008-05-26T21:49:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA.

Today I had a reunion with Great Ex (: And I tell you, I still love it so much because despite it being so draggy and thick, I think it's sooo funny... And it's nice to read about this dear boy and kinda watch him grow. And Dickens can be so hilarious. I absolutely love the making jam out of his groceries and that poorpoor Magwitch. And Joe? Such darlings!

Omg. Read Pg 174 and Pg 320 (or read below). I still laugh like mad when I read it. I think I read Pg 174 over like eighteen times or something. Hahaha.

"Mr Pocket, Junior's idea of Shortly was not mine, for I had nearly maddened myself with looking out for half and hour, and had written my name with my finger several times in the dirt of every pane in the window, before I heard footsteps on the stairs. Gradually there arose before me the hat, head, neckcloth, waistcoat, trousers, boots, of a member of the society of about my own standing. He has a paper-bag under each arm and a pottle of strawberries in one hand and was out of breath.
"Mr. Pip?" he said.
"Mr. Pocket?" I said.
... (Mr. Pocket goes on to talk alot of stuff Pip has no idea of)
"For a reason that I had, I felt as if my eyes would start out of my head. I acknowledged his attention incoherently, and begin to think this was a dream.
"Dear me!" said Mr. Pocket, Junior. "This door sticks so!"
(andd....) As he was fast making jam of his fruits by wrestling with the door while the paper-bags were under his arms..."

LOL. It's so stupidly funny! I mean, Pip is this young gentleman and is entirely new to London which is supposedly high class for him because he lives in the country, and he knows he's supposed to meet some Mr. Pocket Junior and Pip, the young gentleman, begins drawing his NAME on the dusty window HAHAHA and sees this funny guy coming up, late. And then Pocket starts rattling on about nonsense and he is so confused and he doesn't understand the hat and the neckcloth and all that paper-bags and then the fruits and "making jam of his fruits" LOL. Such funny expression..
Ahhahaha. Don't mind me (:

Ohoh, and.. Magwitch! Magwitch, the nasty, oh-so-scary criminal that threatened Pip at the start. But when Pip was a littl boy, he saved Magwitch's life. So he grew to love Pip (who is now a grown man!). So feeling it's such a noble act and wants to like, repay him. And it's funny because he misses and loved Pip so much he came back from exile to look for Pip the grown man and goes "When I was a hired-out shepherd in a solitary hut, not seeing no faces but faces of sheep (HAHAHA) till I half forgot wot men's and women's faces wos like, I see yourn." Oh my, so cute.

I think, no one understands my shitty explanation but AIYO, Great Ex can be so endearing (:

Okay. Byebye, study time.

(was singing GASTON from Beauty and the Beast the whole day in school. HAHAHA.)

"think of all the joy you find, when you leave the world behind"

2008-05-24T17:21:00.006+08:00

I was bored and Kim started showing me videos of Alvin and the Chipmunks singing. They're so adorable, especially the fat short one (: Theodore? Haha.

Anyway, I got distracted and suddenly thought of the old Disney cartoons I used to watch and went to youtube them!!

Do you remember these?

Peter Pan - You can fly (I added lyrics below!)

Beauty and the Beast - Gaston

Beauty and the Beast - Be our Guest!

These are my favourite Disney cartoons haha. I think I like Little Mermaid third. Cinderella was kinda cute too.. Sleeping Beauty was just rather annoying. I don't know why. And Snow White still scares me abit. How can a child be exposed to all that witchcraft and darkness?! And that horrible looking witch! No wonder we grow up being more biased against uglier people than we like to admit.
Anyway, I remember watching these cartoons without even understand what they were singing and all haha. Its so funny to watch it now and be aware and udnerstand what they're singing! So fun (: "I use antlers in all my decorating", "Flabby, fat and lazy, You walked in and oops-a-daisy!" WTH! Haha! I still remember so much of it, esp Beauty and the Beast. I remember the big man biting on the belt and carrying three pretty girls dressed in different colours. I remember kim bev and I going "I be the blue one you be the green one.." HAHAHAHA. Then, I went "Nevermind, you all be, your bolster can be the red one, then I be Belle..." LOL. Neverland still is dreamy to me. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts..

Think of a wonderful thought
Any merry little thought
Think of Christmas,
Think of snow
Think of sleigh bells off you go
Like reindeers in the sky

You can fly! You can fly!You can fly!

Think of the happiest things
It's the same as having wings
Take a path that moonbeams make
If the moon is still awake
You'll see him wink his eye

You can fly!You can fly! You can fly!

Up you go with a heigh and ho
To the stars beyond the blue
There's a neverland waiting for you
Where all your happy dreams come true
Every dream that you dream will come true
When there's a smile in your heart
There's no better time to start
Think of all the joy you'll find
When you leave the world behind
And bid your cares goodbye

You can fly!You can fly!You can fly!

Am going to sing that song to my baby next time...

what is happening to me??

2008-05-23T23:41:00.008+08:00

I think. I am going to be freaking suspended from school... I think I am going to be failing my A levels. I think I am going to be entirely disconnected from my family and maybe whatever friends I have out there IF THIS GOES ON LIKE HOW IT IS GOING ON.

I am super dead. Like, cut up into bloody pieces of Eleanors and being thrown into a pot of curry and served to animals kind of dead.

TSD, the crazy bitchass subject I am taking, is eating me up. I have been consumed by it and therefore, that leaves me dead lah. Duh. Thing is, TSD has taught me much. It has changed me in a matter of one and a half years. I swear I cant take this anymoreeeee...

NUMBERONE. I have seriously bad time management. It sucks so bad I feel guilty about it and feel like surrendering to it. I.e. Dropping outta school so I dont even have to face it. But escape is not an option becausze the world's like that. That working world is like that (holyholyhell). SO yeah. I need to make a living right? I can't run away. Need to solve problem numerouno.

NUMBERTWO. Because of the above mentioned problem it has led to bigger problems. Like... a bad-der tempered Eleanor who is throwing her bad-der temper on everyone and everything else. So this has led to badly strained relationships with her family. HER FAMILY. Since when does such a thing happen?!!?

NUMBERTHREE. This is as important as numbertwo. Only, family still comes first. Numberthree is.. I 'played' truancy AGAIN (FYI: I was a very naughtynaughty girl in lower primary. I stole and.. I skipped class unknowingly in Primary 2. Which led me to go from 2E alllll the way to 3H. I felt wrong there and worked hard and went back to 4D.) and this time knowingly and uncaringly. I mean, I could not care. Not didn't want to. Okay, I had no choice and then ended up not giving a shit about it. So because my spasmatic school has this reatardly stupid rule about getting suspended if you have 3 cases of non-submission of work or non-going-to-school-nonsense. But then I am utterly confused because I am not sure if it's absent (w/o reason) for 3 PERIODS or 3 DAYS of school. So kanasai, I skipped a day of school on thursday and 4 periods of classes today. ANDD have 1 unsubmitted work (fing TSD). So I think I'll get suspended quite soon, or already am. The sucky thing is.. If you get suspended, it goes into that permanent record that you have. My poor friends have got suspended like ultramanymany times. My turn is coming. And why? Because 1. I have bitchass subject and 2. to make it worse, I have bitchass time management problem. Life sucks when you have these two.. AND MORE!

NUMBERTHREEomg. If I get suspended, and with bad time managment and failing every other subject, I WILL fail A levels. And what am I going to do? I can't repeat because of bitchass again. And I can't go to the universities.. So, what now I ask me. WHAT NOW. But hey, with or without the uni shit, I've all along wanted to go work at a pet shop and groom pets. Can I just end all the pain and go earn that money I need now? I doubt I'll live very long anyway, looking at the way I'm living my life now. Wanna hear?

NUMBERFOUR. Yes. Look, I have not only skipped school but skipped two days of proper sleep and proper meals. I have stayed up at awkwardyaya times and have done nothing but TSD (agaaaain.) Oh, plus the bad time management thing.. yeah, it all sucks very badly. An it's sucking me dry (of whatever meat there is on me and) of life. I feel sick, am sick. It's becoming perpetual.

NUMBERFIVE. I think we already see the problem here. It's 1. Bad time management problem and 2. TSD. So what do I do? I can choose to... correct the problem (HOWHOWHOWHOW?) or drop out of school. Well, 3 people have done it already. Life would be better. Better lifestyle? Better health etc? Ahhh, but as mentioned, "1. Bad time management problem" MUST be solved because it's important. How? Its hard to explain if you still don't see how.
So answer me please, hooooow. There's "TIME MANAGEMENT WORKSHOPS" but I don't think they work. Oh, and my GEMS teacher hasn't contacted us went. (GEMS is a programme I am in. Can you already tell what sort of programme it is? Yes.. It is one for people who have a darkdarkdark future ahead) If my GEMS teacher is so irresponsible, what will the irresponsible (because I don't hand in my work on time and end up causing my teacher and rest of the classmates to be in deep shit. I really need to make up for this.) me turn out to be with his/her help?!?

Omg. I never fail to feel disappointed/stunned at how I am turning out to be. And can you imagine what Miss Sajnani would think?!?!?! Miss Sajnani, my secondary school teacher who taught me 4 years straight, who saw me grow, who I look up upon so dearly. She told me nearing the O's. "Eleanor, I think you can go to JC".... *gets slammed against the wall* Here I am, in JC, not doing so well Miss Sajnani. I wish I went to pet school instead. Or, just not taken TSD.

Then I go, maybe it isn't the subject. Maybe it really is just me. Look, people in RJ and all are doing fine. Ahh, they have good time management? Perhaps. Then again, I keep asking myself: How can Theatre be classified as a subject studied academically in schools anyway?! Theatre is about expression blah blah blah. And worse, it's being made into a bleeding H2 subject, the same level or weightage as a 5books-to-be-studied-for Econs or a 5texts-to-read Lit. Or the H2 Math or Physics that you have. TSD? TSD is like 4 parts. Practicals and Paper and also "you have to write a critical commentary to comment on what you are doing for your individual skill" and "oh, and present the individual skill" not forgetting, " well that's what you call practical. There's also GROUP practical! Ahh, that, you don't have to critcally comment. But you'll be interviewed!" ANNND, "then at the end of the year, along with the rest of you sillypapers, you have to do a paper on Greek and Absurd theatre" *smiles sweetly* "Isn't it all so very exciting!"

TSD is a school on it's own. See, thats why there's ARTS school and SPORTS school. It's as good as asking a person who might take saaay.. H2 Sports and Physcial Fitness (SPF)?!, to.. be good at an individual sport, perhaps swimming, and be good at a group sport, soccer, and then learn the THEORY for swimming. Who swam where when what why and how. And then do papers on Modern and Traditional Sports. And know every shit about the olympics. Hahahahhaa. Die Singaporean students (and students from other stressful stupid countries), DIE......

Oh the plus side. TSD has taught me more than what I have mentioned above. It has made me more confident (lesser now that I come to think of it), and taught me to be more physical which is a good thing, right?, opened my perspectives, and also exposed me to some of the worest shit and nightmares possible. Okay, I've learnt other stuff too but that's just it. I don't wanna give up my family, my friends, my health, my future, my time, my rest, myself for just one subject. How much I have changed. I think some of my friends see that in me. I feel it myself, and I don't entirely like this change. I want to get myself back...

Everytime I think of this, I cry. Crying has become a necessity or habit. And when shit happens I have nothing to fall back on. Please, let me be stronger.

Maybe I'm in such a negative mood I should not even do anything, just in case I say the wrong stuff like I always do, or just end up in self destruction again. I have GP essay to do now. I am even paragraphing my blogpost.

******************

I have been such a disappointment to Miss Norzian. I am really sorry, that I am doing so badly despite all the effort I have put in. And this has led me to become bitter about it. But I really am clueless and helpless. How do I move on? I've heard all the theory stuff - good time management, focus, blahblah. I have tried doing it, but it obviously isn't enough. For now, I plan to change. I think I want to do this. Do the A levels well, but I can only try my best again. So I shall, for now, try to really really be focused and efficient.

Or should I just cut it short and move elsewhere now? (NOT like CHung. I don't know how to react to him anymore)

It'll help reduce the problems and worries I'm giving to ALL my teachers, my mom and dad and everyone else, and myself.

"blank title edit text...."

2008-05-19T15:38:00.005+08:00

Hello. I just wanted to keep my blog alive.

Things haven't been going well recently. Other H2 Subjs are stagnating. Even with me spending 24h-4h(of sleep)-3h(of eating and travelling) I have only got a 3rd CC draft out and built stuff with clay. Lol, I am so tempted to footnote the word stuff and then explain what stuff means below. Crit com is getting to me!

And I fought with my dad over critcom. And we argued again just now. I feel like Cheng Hung (again), feel like running away.. Just to show him how angry I am, just to express my need for escape physically. I need to regain that clear mind I had before I entered JC. Oh what has JC done to me? Now I even believe I need anti-depressant pills. Where has my sane mind gone to?

There are so many more impt things in life. Need to readjust my attention. But if I do, Miss Norzian will give me another 'wake up call' in school on tuesday (see, now I remember my days based on what I have to do FOR TSD. Like, omg okay it's tuesday tomorrow. It's the day where.. I have to bring my TSD shirt, have photo-taking for TSD cambridge paper submission, bring my laptop for TSD and edit TSD critcom). Is there anything MORE to life at this moment? Well DUH. But then I'll get dragged back to TSD and A levels when I go back to school tomorrow. Omg, tomorrow's tuesday! That means.. bring TSD shirt Eleanor, for photo-taking! Oh and laptop... and...

My father. He's getting old. I know it because I see his hair greying. And those eyebags and wrinkles! Does that explain his horrible temper and attitude? His INCREASINGLY BAAAD TEMPER? I hate it when we argue. When anyone in my family argues. Are we that bad that we can't talk properly? Am I really to be blamed? If I am, then I'll change. I've tried to, but we're still arguing! So what's wrong..?! How am I supposed to go tell Kim or Bev or my mother or grandmother to, behave? I dare not speak to my dad at this point. Honestly, he is so childish. I wish I could slap him and remind him that he's my dad for goodness sake. Hello role model? Urgh!

Omg.

I slammed the keyboard and this funny voice sounded hahahah! It went "Voiceover-an. Safari blacker... Eleanor-made-me-doit.." LOL! I jumped.

Oohh. It goes "systems has new window" when someone appears online on MSN. How funny.

Anyway, I wish life could be more exciting or hopeful. I wish I could go cycling at night with people and end up sleeping in the park. Or pitch a tent in my porch and sleep out there. If it sucks we'll just go back into the house and sleep. My granny would join us. Yesterday's hypochondriac was hilarious. I kept laughing so much, the guy beside me gave up not-laugh and started laughing too (:

("systems has new window.. messenger needs attention")

I don't know what else to think of it. Don't feel like intellectualising it now.

I bought juice to make up with my dad. I poured him a cup and brought it up.. to see him look at me and walk into his room and slam his door shut. Now I wanna buy back time. To not even start arguing with him in the first place.

(The voice over thing is so annoying! How do you turn it off?! What's it doing on the com anyway? For blind people....?? Who can't even see where the key is to switch stupid voice over on. It reads everything you type and everything that happens on the com! It even interrupts itself. Stupid.)

You know what, I am so annoyed I'm not blogging anymore.

Edit: & i hate mrs math teacher's emails. they are sooo hard to read its all friggin yellowww.

ditched.

2008-05-05T20:59:00.004+08:00

HOW CAN ANYONE GO MISSING LIKE THAT?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FRIGGIN MIND????
HOW CAN THINGS BE SO EASY?
WHAT ESCAPE?!
DO YOU REALISE HOW AFFECTED PEOPLE ARE?
DOOO YOOOU KNOOOOOW??

"Respect.. Respect", that's what you told me okay.
RESPECT. I still remember your face okay, when you said that to me.
SO WHY DID YOU GO?
What sort of respect do you expect me and all others to hold for you?
And those you respected?

esp people like.. how dare you do stuff like this to them?

You want another path. Another path would mean a better path? I feel so sick again.

*********

Things become so meaningless when you do it not for passion or for love.
The adults keeps telling me, better do good otherwise when you die, you come back as an animal. But yesterday I told my parents that maybe when you are alive and you do bad stuff, you die and come back as a human again. & guess what? They laughed and agreed.

finally found it

2008-04-27T19:54:00.000+08:00

BGRRRR.

2008-04-23T18:53:00.007+08:00

Why's everyone talking about BGR in such a serious manner nowadays?!

(EDIT: have inserted a nice space here because Choy will not stop telling me that his post isnt about BGR and I keep telling him I know it isnt. And the sentences were side by side because his blog was the recent-est thing that discussed abt stuff somewhat similar. And blah blah blah...)

Have you read Choy's blog? I have this urge to reply, but I've got better things to do.. like research into industrial pipes and factories.

No wait, I shall take 5 to reply.

Hello Choy (:
1. I think you need to talk to more girls. The girls you have been talking to (I am not included to that list. Lol) seem very old fashion mama like. Alot of us have become more open minded already you know.... Or are you stereotyping?!

2. Girls need to be tactful and they try to too. If they don't they either really can't be bothered about you or are too familiar with you ooor.. are just plain bitchy or dumb. Er, you can kill them with your sportade bottle. I can help you too.

3. What do you not understand about "You're a GUY"? I mean, you're the species with the more muscles and amount of skin. Right? Ahh, anyhows, you're less gentle and fragile than females. Lol! I am stereotyping here! Oh wait, it's a tradition! You can try changing it though :D

4. Haha, there are female rapists too you know. And a supply of gig-looos out there, see Japan. But like Conan said, what are they supposed to do? Tickle you?? HAHAHA. Get Conan to do it again, damn funny. He goes "guchee-guchee".
Okay, so yeah guys are deemed to be flirts more easily than girls. But then, I think it'll be super cool if a couple/close friend can crap about hot individuals of both sexes (: Like my secondary school teacher. She nudges her husband when she sees hotmaleperson walking by and he does the same as well.

5. Does it irritate you when a girl tells you that she thinks his butt is uber hot? If YES (am supposing so because you blogged about it) then doesnt it make sense for her to be irritated with you guys talking about their butts like that too?
Unless you overhear it from someone's convo, then erm.. what are you doing overhearing girls gossiping?! (LOL! Does this make you a SNAG???? Someone please answer me..)

6. You can be in love with a girl too whaat. You just don't wanna say it. Ho-hum (:

7. Who the hell goes into guy's toilets?!?! Friggin gross in there yo!

8. Heeheeheee. Have you gotten the number????

9. Looks aren't everything! JUST LOOK AT YOUR GOOD FRIEND GISELLA, "if he's rich.. *spastic smile* yeah!"

10. Do you remember? In the past, women werent even allowed to be educated. I bet like in Iraq and all, they still can't go out without getting permission from their husbands. So yeah, times are changing. Women are turning into MEN and you men can't do nothing about that. Women carry parangs in their handbagos now, have you seen them? Oohuhu.

Okay, I think I make enough sense. And I spent 20min on this..

And about relationships and stuff, is it really too young to get into one now? Depends huh? Like on what you do and why you even get into one. There are sooo many pros and cons to it too. I guess one has to weigh it out properly, because relationships are pretty serious stuff. Unless you're a party animal or something, and if you wanna have sex before 2010. Okay, that sort of thinking is way too complicated for me.
Can I ask? Why get into a relationship if.. you just need support, emotional support? Friends are there for you.
How about, if you need physical love? Not sex but just you know. Friends don't do that do they? You can't get your mom or dad to 'physically love' you at this age can you? And I'm sure you, being human, need physical love sometimes.
What if you want ownership?! That's scary to me.
What if you want experience? That seems reasonable. You do stuff for experience right? Even like sky diving for the first time or going to a country with snow. Besides fun or thrill, there's experience too.
What if you're curious? That means it's for fun? That means.. you are curious and like to have fun? That means it isn't a serious relationship. That means.... you guys should have been prepared for a breakup from the start.
What if you just wanna share some of that love you have with the person you think deserves it most??? Can you do it without getting into a relationship? :( Doesn't seem right does it? How are you supposed to know if he/she's most deserving? Or, that you even know what you're doing?

And can I also ask, is it really your fault that you actually are behaving this way? If you think about it, most people who get into relationships end up breaking up. Give it 3 years max. So what's the point of getting into a relationship?! But then again, if you don't get into a relationship, you'll never know if you can last more than 3 years. If you do, you'll probably get married. Right? 3 years IS a long time. If you don't and you intend to marry the very first person you get into a relationship with, then WHEN should you to get into one if we deem ourselves "too young" to get into one? When you hit 30? That means you'll get wed when you hit 40?+++?? Er. Haha. Actually, getting married at 40 isn't wrong, right? But it sounds funny, like you are a failure or too insecure. Ahh, but you shouldn't let anyone judge you too much. Otherwise you end up so unhappy :(

And in case some of you havent heard, most adults would say young love was something they miss and enjoyed during their more youthful period. If you miss it out, would you be missing something out?

That's why relationships suck, or falling for someone sucks. Unless you get two people, one girl one boy, both equally accepting and in tune. Then you get a Disney story. I guess that's why it's part of life. To help you complicate it eh? Or maybe to make you open your eyes at 6 in the morning and to drag your heavy bumbums to school. Haha. No, not for me. You guys know lah. I am doing my sadface now. But TSD (not again!) is enough for now. For now for now.

Anyway, WaterHub was horrible today. Wasted so much time. Am going for dinner now.

er. picnic plus edgar allan poe anyone?

2008-04-22T22:32:00.004+08:00

Today is Earth day and what do I see in school? Bangalalas poking about those palm trees in school and snipsnapping off the pretty green palm leaves. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I was very affected by it and Wai You (you?) got very affected by me. Hahahaha.

Is he a SNAG? Actually, do you even know what a SNAG is?! I didn't. I repeatedly "didn't know" and Ms Fung had to explain it to me twice in this year. Wait, why was she even using it..?!
And okay, so if Wai You gets affected easily, is he a SNAG?
Seriously, what's a SNAG???

"Are you an... er.. environmentalist?" he asks.
"YAH. OMG, why are they cutting the treeeeeeeees???????" *nostrils flaring*

Now you got more reasons to think why Eleanor is too queer to be your friend.

& If you heard me going "way away away away, ...deh deh deh voice dehhh dehh...., angels sing..." like a million times today, this was what I was so obsesssed with!

*****************

How come people don't like my pixie fairy fat man?! He is such a darling, I am not kidding. His cheeks are so rosy they make you feel warm and his pretty tutu and wand make you smile. His hairy belly and male boobies make you..
No wonder.
But whatever! I still think he is adorable (:

when life sucks, just be happy.

2008-04-21T22:20:00.005+08:00

I read an article (here, here and here) from Reader's Digest a few weeks ago. It tells me to find happiness. From within? Erm, no I dont remember.

Anyhow, it is important isn't it? Being happy. Isn't that what we all want? So many sad faces I have seen this month. The previous and the previous, previous monthsss. I see sad faces in the mirrors or bobbing sadly around at the top of sad figures aimlessly moving by.
I know a number of people who strive on it. A number who strive on making people feel happy. I do both. And I want to share it with the world, or at least the small circle of friends I have and those who read the blog.

1. I am happy because of the good things that happen in life.

2. I am happy because despite the horribly tight schedule, I waste time by taking time off to recall happy things, and this kinda keeps me happy.

3. I am happy because I recently found out abit more about my religion.

4. I am happy because I have improved in reading articles quickly and doing that annotating thing Lam gets us to do....

5. I am happy because people actually try to make my day better, and I love them for that.

6. I am happy because I weigh a friggin 36kg. HAHAHA.

7. I am happy because I am proud of who I am and the people around me (:

8. I am happy because I started blogging again.

9. I am happy because I am meeting up with my ex class mates soon!

10. I am happy because people I thought forgot me still remember me

11. I am happy because Madwoman's Diary might work in the end..

12. I am happy because of,

this - my family

A06, although incomplete here

"The balloon is watching you. It's judging you!"
(the random sms that came along with it. It made me giggle so hard! *grins*)

them and the old school

dear Scotty :)

and this too..

& the note, written on some changi hospital paper, I received today (:
and the list goes on (:

And happy Earth Day for tomorrow. Am not going to get an iPOD and will continue using my old discman! Hoho! Not like it'll help much, but I wanna chip in.

therapy?

2008-04-21T21:44:00.002+08:00

I said I would stop blogging.
and I did.

But only for a short while.
*rawr* AYES, IT IS JUST SOSO TEMPTING! D:
especially when life gets so sucky that it gets the better of you and you can't turn to anything but to waste your time away in front of the good ol' com (yeah right), hoping it would see your pain and in return, emit some therapeutic waves and rays.
Maybe it can like play soft comforting tunes.
And massage you at the same time.
Annnd help you complete your homework.

By the way, try doing this if you can relate. Hit ctrl and then f and then type home or work or tsd. Count the number of times all three words appear and let me know.
If you get it right, I shall treat you to one of those therapeutic waves and rays session and maybe to pink dolphin (:

Yes okay, I am back to blogging. I think.

dont let your passion die.

2008-03-31T20:19:00.002+08:00

YOU. YOU BETTER GO STUDY NOW, RIGHT NOW.

am going to do that. am not going to be on omgitseleanor.blogspot.com for very long.. unless something happens.

SHOWER TIME!

2008-03-31T20:13:00.002+08:00

I love to shower and take baths.
I love scrubbing myself everywhere.
Especially if the head itches, like an itchy head.
And that smell! Of soap! And bubbles...

Rubberduck duck. Ducky in my tub.

Oh and today I attempted to suicide. Not attempt suicide. No worries (:

ohklahoma!

2008-03-27T22:30:00.002+08:00

Hello. Blogspot wasn't working in the afternoon. I thought it died... I thought all my entries and stuff were going to be thrashed. Thank god it didnt. But what if things like that happen? Omg. I should print all my stuff out shouldn't I?!

Insane.

Ha-ha. Edgar Allan Poe is very eccentric. Have ubsahlootly no idea what he is talking about. So I turned to milo and Juno. Juno is oh-my-friggin-g sweet. She is wonderwoman. "The wonder to my woman" Lol. When she went, "cheese to my macaroni" I thought aww how cute. But if someone else says that, I'd really think it's lameshit. Ha! Eleanor is biasssss.
But then I imdb-ed them. And honestly, I wished I didn't. Should keep movies to movies and reality to reality. They really cannot mix. And it spoils everything. Guys, you think Juno's ever going to be real? Lol. Like.. I wanna live in Juno world. Hahahaha.... What if it becomes an in word. Like. Who started with lame? Or.. I wanna wiki stuff. EH?

Now I wanna watch more movies D: I should really be studying!!
I wanna watch.. The Bucket List, Jumper.. And that funny Spiderwick show. And er, yeah.. more plays.

Alrighty, time to attempt Allan Poe again. OR, do GP. Urgh.
Why is life so unexciting?! Oh wait, yah hor I am in JC, I take TSD. And whaat? Oh yes. NO SOCIAL LIFE.

KUAKUAKUA.
binge.

the headaches like shit.

2008-03-22T21:06:00.006+08:00

HELLO YOU ALL!

TODAY I WENT TO THE DENTIST - THE ORTHODONTIST (i think). I MIGHT BE GETTING BRACES :D BBUT, PROM IS THIS YEAR AND MY TEETH ARENT THAAT BAD. BBBUT... I DONT KNOW EITHER. ITS 3K+ AND.. I AM NOT FEELING VERY RICH, BUT ITS SMTH I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. SOO, HOW? BUT MY ORTHODONTIST IS PRETTY NICE (; HEH.

I AM CURRENTLY IN A SAD-HIGH MOOD. THEREFORE, THIS IS A RANT, OR SOMEWHAT. WHILE I GO THROUGH MY NIGHTHIGHS. LOL NIGHT-HIGHS.. OR NIGH-THIGHS. argh.

caps is irritating.

My group is progressing badly. I dont know what else to do. I want to make us move faster.. But its impossible. Are people going in different directions? Are we too 'bonded' and so not focused. Can't we be nice and firm? Can't we all be happy and be serious at the same time.. And not get pissed with each other? D: Yeah, I know my group would probably not see this. But there are chances of it, so.. MY DEAR DEAR GROUP, PLEASE LET US WORK TOGETHER AND WORK IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION WITH THE RIGHT. WITH THE RIGHT KIND OF.. 'HIGH'.

URGHH.

My IS is in shags. Should I drop this? I can't. I've got a group.. I've got nothing else to do. Let's do the jump.

Oh, and thank you CX for the massage (: She is a really persistent ~~girl~~ mother.

And here's something for you to entertain yourselves silly, before we all crash.

Thaipan is not bad (:

2008-03-20T23:03:00.004+08:00

Choy, Jacq, Mel and Eleanor went out today. We left for home at about 7 and when we walked out of the mall, I said "Oh my god, we better hurry before I turn into a vampire.."
And Choy said "Yah! Before I turn into a werewolf!"
And we laughed.

Funny right? LOL! Ok. No, that's not the joke (: That's context we gotta know.

Okay, so while we were walking, Choy suddenly said he had to go pee, and that he's going to Macs to pee and that the rest should go first. So Eleanor asked if he wants us to wait, in case he turns into a werewolf..

Jacq who overheard, but not too clearly, asked "Choy *mumbles* tu.. s.. ta.. *mumbles* WHAAAAT?"
And Eleanor replies "WEREWOLF"
And after awhile they both laughed. Because Eleanor realised that Jacq actually asked.. "Choy says zip up his what?!" LOL.

Do you even get it? HAHA.

Mel "No matter what something-something.. will look good in black and white" (or smth like tt)
She's good eh. But I think it's really just me Mel (: Heeheehoo.

*edit!
LOL! I missed out Ros, and mel had to remind me :X
Okok. So it's.. Choy, Jacq, Mel ~~and~~ Eleanor AND ROS went out today. Heh. Who ask her, always bullying me :P I bet she'll go like *suprised-rebelling face* *attempts to say something* *BUT DOESNT!* hahaha.

STUCK IN MY BRAIN.

2008-03-17T17:06:00.001+08:00

Size: 961
From: Miss Norzian Bte Mohammad Yunos
Mon 17 Mar 2008 8:17 am

Re: TSD - Updated DV.
I do not need drafts any more, I need a working crit comm which WILL CHANGE MANY TIMES because of the whole process section. So, regardless of whether you're prepared or not, a complete CC draft must be submitted by the next round. Everybody must do it too, no exceptions even for those not fully in grasp of their concepts yet.

*******************

:( sigh.

URGGHHH.

2008-03-16T19:41:00.002+08:00

Insert Witty Name Here [Chasing after the SHINY; Et tu, Gakuen Heaven?] says:
Don't make it too personal

* ♥ ELEANOR * says:
erm.

Insert Witty Name Here [Chasing after the SHINY; Et tu, Gakuen Heaven?] says:
Like.

* ♥ ELEANOR * says:
is personal a bad thing?

Insert Witty Name Here [Chasing after the SHINY; Et tu, Gakuen Heaven?] says:
THIS PROBLEM IS THE MOST PREVALENT IN TODAY'S SOCIETY

Insert Witty Name Here [Chasing after the SHINY; Et tu, Gakuen Heaven?] says:
Or something

* ♥ ELEANOR * says:
okok

Insert Witty Name Here [Chasing after the SHINY; Et tu, Gakuen Heaven?] says:
Person al invites the question: So what why would I care?

* ♥ ELEANOR * says:
(why are ppl so mean?!?!?!)

* ♥ ELEANOR * says:
walao i tell u. sometimes i feel like yelling tt at the examiners.

* ♥ ELEANOR * says:
(why did u fail tsd?!? oh because i refused to succumb to this stupid world.... where ppl have to be trained and ppl are mean to those who refuse to be smart and be trained to asnwer questions!)

* ♥ ELEANOR * says:
urgh.

hopefully happy days!

2008-03-16T17:19:00.004+08:00

Hahaha. Our dear Microsoft Word cant make up it's mind. You can click on the imaggee..

************************

Recently, a stray dog has been visiting the neighbourhood. I took pictures of it. It is such a poor dog, but my granny forbids me to feed it. It might hang around my door and poop everywhere..

the dog

the commotion

he is curious.. harmless and friendly in fact

but is shunned :(

confrontation

If you aren't well liked, why can't you learn to be well liked to ensure your survival in this mean old world? :( It really isn't your fault either.. People should give you a chance, one more try.

the view from my balcony (:

the cuts Scotty gave me...

But you see why I still love him.
(he really wasn't supposed to be there. but he wouldn't budge lol)

Hahaha. I am just happy my phone's cam is working again :D It is a super good cam-phone, for one that's 2mega pix...

♥.

crossing my eyes and hope to look good

2008-03-11T20:19:00.006+08:00

This is how tired I am.. I ate paper.
I was eating this cone icecream and peeled off the paper. Apparently, I didn't peel off the paper properly and there was that thin white layer left. And so I ate half the icecream, with it on.
I was disgusted! D: And went to puke. Or tried inducing it. But I stopped because mummy might think I'm aneroxic and/or bulimic and daddy might think I'm pregnant.
I think I will fall sick because of paper in my stomach. Oh wait, maybe I'll die. So you guys better be nicer to me. Buy me food and clothes and do my homework for me (: Lol.

Mummy yelled "Scotty I haaate yoouu!!" hahaha. He hasnt gone for grooming for a long time. So his nails have somewhat overgrown. And it sucks because my dog knows how to 'up' and if he ups on your legs and slides his pretty paws down your pretty legs, they won't be so pretty anymore.

I have two cuts, each on one leg. I hope they don't leave a scar. And the pimple on my face isn't going away. Ahh.. why's it being so bitchy to me?!

Oh and this video is funny (: I saw it on a friend's facebook lol. This friend here is an example of the type of guy one might fall for when he's young with babyfats and cute boyish nonsense. And you get mocked at because you fall for someone like that. And when he grows up, he is all man and you mock at those who mocked you. HAHAHAHA! But ah, you still don't get the man. Oh, but it's still okay and all's well. Let's smile our way through shit.

I find myself very unexplainable/inexplainable. Although I like ugly pictures of myself (it is important that you remember both good side and bad side, for a more wholesome memory lol!), I still went to remove the tag on the spasticface photo of meself. Then I regret doing so. Why did I do it in the first place..? Because I suck! I will stare at it and go is that really me? Lol. Am going to tag it back. Teeheehee.

:D

Scotty and family at pasir ris park (:
i love it when my cam works lol

I ♥ MY BABY

*****************

The disappearing act of Look family's TV is a sad thing :(

I feel like this sometimes.

flakes

2008-03-10T23:38:00.003+08:00

What do you do to know this is all real?
I walk in the cold rain and bathe in steam water.
The touch, on my skin.
Brings me back to senses.
But by then, it would've been peeling.
Numb dry flakes, or peeling white burnt skin.

******************

You know, life is beautiful. I make it beautiful.
I make it beautiful...
How did you read that?
Did you read the I or did you read make?

Read make. Read make.

Because you have got to. I am telling you to. Otherwise, all that bad will rise and it'll rise up to your face. It will stare right at you, facing you and breathe out at you. You open your mouth and suck it all in. And spit, right back at it. You do that, and stay strong. And move, move on move on move on.

It isn't so beautiful. I find myself falling. Faltering. "Feet on solid ground" But when you look down, you see cracks forming. I feel like an animal. Scavenging or running. I can't fight it, so I duck from it. Is this escape or is it escape?

Insight, tonight.

2008-03-09T23:46:00.003+08:00

BOEY! says:
i went to ask around
looked for advice
for a career path already
not gonna be easy
and it is best to start young
to commit yourself to what u wanna do
♥ ELEANOR says:
and what do u wanna do?
i still dont know what i wanna do :(
sigh. tts the diff btwn sci and arts ppl
or ppl like u and me
i feel so lost still
BOEY! says:
haha
try find sumthing u like to do?
♥ ELEANOR says:
yeah. like theatre, like starting a home for animals or african kids or backpacking around the world
yeah.. smth i like
like i can totally achieve it
-.-
'try smth realistic'
realistic... sigh
BOEY! says:
why not?
like try spend your hols
at those places etc etc
hang out
try to help out
start for internship
♥ ELEANOR says:
errr.
ok i will try
(: it makes sense lol
BOEY! says:
really
go find sumthing to occupy your time during hols
helps alot
instead of finding job etc etc
haha
♥ ELEANOR says:
finding job = money u see
BOEY! says:
but do u desperately need money now?
or do u wanan ensure u want money in the future?
which would you choose?
♥ ELEANOR says:
i will have money now and marry rich guy next time -.- lol
♥ ELEANOR says:
tt's my ans.
♥ ELEANOR says:
ah.
BOEY! says:
lol
♥ ELEANOR says:
ok money next time
BOEY! says:
then i say gl to u le
♥ ELEANOR says:
but money now too!
♥ ELEANOR says:
whey
♥ ELEANOR says:
ok lah
♥ ELEANOR says:
u earn money then i marry u ok
♥ ELEANOR says:
lol
BOEY! says:
wei!
BOEY! says:
i rather go bachelor la
BOEY! says:
or become a monk
BOEY! says:
who drives a mers
Ok. The rest is for me to remember my dear friend (:
But really. People like 'you' and I have got to wake up to this sickening world that stinks of money. Because really, this is the same world where we live, eat, sleep, love and die in. This is reality, as big as yo mama's butt and it's in your face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*******************

This is not a poem. This is me, in anger and me with a mass of words. I call it Unaware.

Slice, slither,
cuts your bones.
Degradation,
decadence,
As I grow.
Retaining is difficult,
I walk past on.
I see your happy faces,
newly weds,
with smaller faces,
gleaming, glad.
Running and jumping
around, towards, happy
Away if your happy faces
keep on smiling.

*************************

YOU. You stop distracting me yoooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
fullstop.

i am worried.

2008-03-07T19:28:00.005+08:00

HAHAHA. I read Jacq's blog and went to see the trailer for "Teeth". Check out this comment I saw on the site

BabyRon724 (3 weeks ago) Show Hide
-1 Marked as spam
Reply
Do vaginas actually have teeth?
gomogomomo (3 weeks ago) Show Hide
+1 Marked as spam
Reply
yes, all vaginas actually have teeth.
bassviech (1 week ago) Show Hide
+3 Marked as spam
Reply
What a dumb question. of course they have. Thats why you put drugs into the drinks of women at the disco, so that the monster vagina is all stoned and wont bite you.
What the fuck do they teach you at school?

LMAO.

***************

I am all stone this week. Stoned brain, stoned face, stoned toes, stoned heart, stonestyayayaye. Can die. Econs SA paper was pure bullshit. I could tell the invigilator (is this how you spell it? why does it look weird...?) thought I was some stupid lazy girl who didn't give a shit about studying. But I tried!! I swear.. and I also swear that I only managed to study damn BOP, out of the bluebook and redbook. Perfect condition to do the paper in. Oh yes, I had godfriggin cramps too. Hahaha...!

JC is the number one murderer.

I keep falling asleep on my study table these few days. And my specs keep pressing against my poor nose. Now there's this red patch that burns. I think it's all the pressing and the friction. I must wear contacts at home now and I hate it. I suck with contacts because my eyes dry easily. How to study like that...

Also, I am in turning into a rot at home. Please, please please. Someone ask me out to do something productive. Please.
We can do our coursework together, go shopping for materials, visiting exhibitions, watch plays. Go makan also can :D lol.
Okay, I am really desperate.

I went to look at the seniors today, to see how the A level result atmosphere would be like. I don't really know what to say. But I know I better study. I wrote a list out already. Hopefully I follow it. Why am I even telling you all this?!?!?!?!

Oh. And I got an E for Chinese. Hu-sah!! I am just glad that I don't need to re-take.
Also, I am thankful to have friends like my dear classmates around with me. And my ex school mates and my family. I am thankful that I have food to eat and bed to sleep in. I am saying this because ~~they say the world's ending in 4 years time~~ I had a nice chat with my friends during lunch, and I'm glad to be who I am and for people like them who make me who I am. Am privileged.

Haha. Is the world really ending?

AND I WANT TO KNOW HOW SHAWN DID FOR HIS PAPERS...!
he isn't replying anyone is he....?!
*does the jaw shit thing* lol.

REALLY NO LIFE.

2008-02-29T00:17:00.003+08:00

Drown yourself in jazz music. Sometimes it helps.

i am a depressed teen.
and i get thrashed about.
sometimes i cry.
sometimes i shout.
but after it all, you'll realise
nothing else will come out.
fuck-

Scanner Darkly

2008-02-24T16:10:00.003+08:00

Watch this video. It's the intro from the show A Scanner Darkly. I think it's a movie adaptation from a book. The movie was kinda interesting at first. But it got really draggy and boring after half an hour or so. Didnt manage to complete it.. But the intro is hilarious. Watch it only once though (:

I found out you could play with the colours for the youtube videos!!! Hahaha.

bodybody.

2008-02-20T17:44:00.004+08:00

"Have you been a naughty girl today.." Someone said to me a few days back. Haha. I laughed when I heard that and walked away.

ME? Naughty?? *huhahahahah*

If you can re-read the line without any sort of sexy-man/woman voice in your head, then I think I would have to agree. If you already did so earlier, I must obviously not know you. Anyway, sadly I obviously should be doing my IS now. And should be doing lit 2 para shit now. (I put in so much effort for the recent one and still got a C. I want to give up!) And study for tomorrow's GP paper and study for the very early econs paper. Am gonna die. But I'm still here blogging. But I need to destress and get away from school work for awhile. Sigh. And Miss Norzy tells us to "not forget about your other subjects". I really need to manage my time right and set priorities right. Right noooow.

Anyway, I am gonna update one last time. Because I don't think I'll be blogging any more often than I am, or am not. I need to focus focus focus.

Today I found some buspeople staring at me, while I realised I was staring at the person who was sitting right in front of me. The person was facing me sideways and I was staring at the two puny lumps lying rather awkwardly on the chest. I didn't want to look, but it just so happened! They looked really funny.. Like the bra wasn't right or something. But I was staring mostly because I wanted to get that person's gender right. He/She had short short hair, wore funny male clothes, pink sport shoes and looked like a man. But the two lumps were.. what confirmed that he/she was more female than male. But then again, they could be male-boobs. Like fatty tissue you know.
Then I thought about myself. Do I look female?? How do you tell? But really, have I ever looked male, ever? I know some say I look like a tiny dinosaur HAHAHA. I think it's because I'm thinny. Sometimes people say I look like a cat, or a bird. Mostly, I get look like you're dying. I think it's so funny. If I were super sensitive, I would get hurt if someone said I looked like a dinosaur. They're pretty ugly. And retarded. I think because of the "big head small body" thing. But I think it's just sooo hilarious. And I also think.. of what certain vain-pottish girls would want to be compared with. Ooh, ooh, say I look like a insert-something-hot-here. Is it even possible?! What's hot? A pistol? Stockings....????? Okay, maybe I look like a model works. But then it's quite impossible to compare anyone to an inanimate object, and make them sound sexy. So don't get pissed off if someone says you look like a er.. piece of seacucumber or whatever. Really, I don't think anything works.
Unless he goes like "you look like sex". Ahh, then you know you're really something. Or not.

Anyway anyway! I must say I am quite comfy with my own body. Many people wanna be wider or narrow-er or longer or shorter (not sure about shorter). Very often some people just go "I wanna be skinner" because they feel like it. Because they've just flipped through a magazine or something. Or maybe because they're plain bored. But one thing I don't get is why people assume or expect me to be uncomfortable with MY own body. Especially my mummy. My own mother D: She'll tell me to jump at least once a week and nag about how I don't eat enough. I know she cares. That's okay. But she continues with you are too skinny. You are too short. You are so small. You will looooose oouuuttt.
I will not lose out if I will not allow myself to. Confidence is built from within. With the help of other etc etc stuff (: But really, it did hurt when she kept mentioning it. I used to think about it after and end up wasting time thinking. I've grown kinda numb to it already. Because honestly, if you haven't realised, all this is temperory. And all of it is just superficial. I am who I am and all that's inside me.

I know my mummy wants the best for me, but I want to let my mummy know that I, am what's best for me.

vegetable oedipus (:

2008-02-20T00:18:00.001+08:00

While researching on Oedipus, I chanced upon this really cute video. You guys should watch it :P

random post.

2008-02-17T22:49:00.003+08:00

Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
erm,,, trying to do art essay, talking to you justine and mel
Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
aaah. haha. :D
♥ ELEANOR says:
lol im talking to mel too
♥ ELEANOR says:
am i disturbing?
Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
nawp.
Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
cos u very cute, mei mei
Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
i like talking to u
♥ ELEANOR says:
LOL!
♥ ELEANOR says:
wth!!!
♥ ELEANOR says:
hahaa
♥ ELEANOR says:
i put on my blog arhhhhh~
Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
HAHA
Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
OK
Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
OMG
Jacq - loves Thaipan / Thaiexpress! says:
IM FAMOUS ON OMG ITS ELEANOR
♥ ELEANOR says:
-.-" please.

"Ooh.... So that's what people think of me lah! ....Meimei.... *pft*"

*************

Life's been dissappointing recently. Due to many many reasons. People have dissappointed me, I have dissappointed many aaannd. The week's just been sadsadsad.
ARGHH.

*********

Jacq.. I am just kidding (: I know you all sayang me. Heeheehee.

please feel passionate.

2008-02-15T17:21:00.002+08:00

Hello world!
Eleanor decided to take a break and come out from the hole she's managed to burrow herself in of the high mountains of homework she has. *sniffs the fresh air*

My Critical Com is left on hold. I cannot stand it anymore. I am not progressing D:

Anyway, this week's been mad. I'm always sleeping after 2, I slept at 3.20 on Thursday night. I don't need anyone to shoot me with guns anymore. Lack of sleep is the best torture ever. Freaking tired. So I took a break and stayed home to complete my homework. I must say that I am actually really sick and would never do anything against my morals, just not sick enough to stay home. Aiya, I just like deluding myself.

So today marks the first time I hit the polyclinic lol. (Stupid CC is playing loud gong xi gong xi ni music. How to study like that?!) It's pretty cool actually and super complicated. Well, I got lost. Had to go around asking people what to do next haha. But got my MC in the end :D

Also, Vday for me this year was okay. But the balloon choy gave me flew away or got stolen. I am super sad :( And Scotty ate Cindy's flower. I am sorry Cindy and Choy!!!
But I kept the chewed up paper flower.... ...

Also, recently a guy added me on facebook. Oh wait, facebook is really for the bored/depressed/needy. I do go on sometimes, I'm not bored/depressed/needy (maybe bored.) but I think I go on for the amusement lol. SO. A guy added me on facebook. And it turned out that he's reeeallly cool. He's into theatre and travelling! I wanna backpack one day, I told my tuition teacher when I was in sec2 haha. And this guy has travelled to 30countries! Omg. I am becoming such a fan. And he's doing his own short films and stuff. I guess it's people like him who make me feel more hopeful. At least now I know my "dream" life can be and has been attained before. I just hope I don't end up like Pip from Great Ex.. It'll be like a freaking huge slap on my face. "Hands the size of 2 CD covers".

Omg. Typing "hands the size of 2 CD covers" remind me of how I am not catching up with some old friends. You know, for friendship week. The councillors should have dedicated a day to catching up with old friends. Yeah.. That'll be so nice.

OOOKAAAY, need to do damned crit com now. And poor Ee Ting's China Studies is suffering. How's she gonna do A's like that?! I would set her freaking teacher on fire if it weren't against the rules. Am not gonna blog about him here.. Want nothing to do with him, period.

WHO WANTS TO GO TO SEE THEATRICAL SPACES AND ARTFRIEND WITH ME?!?!?! AM GOING THIS WEEKEND :DD sms me horrr.. Thank you.

i still love my blog okay :(

2008-02-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged for long because of obvious reasons but I have a gossip!

Guess who's still together after all the shit between them...?

Your buttcheeks!

I thought it was very funny hahahhaa.

Anyway, my valentines is gonna suck real bad. Oh well. TA!! :D

& they say

2008-02-01T19:55:00.000+08:00

I remember, you were so beautiful.
They say forgive and forget.
Am I to too?

Coca Cola!

2008-01-31T23:13:00.000+08:00

I am going to go crazy like Cheng Hung already....
"Fuck TSD!"
Gissy says, Then quit. Haha. And she also says, I want to quit but I won't. Eleanor nods in agreement.

I have to change my entire set!!

I think everyone knows it already, but YAHH. I WANT TO DIE I TELL YOUUU.

Thank God Shawn's staying till end feb. Thank God. But then again, no thank God. He gets me all nervous and I get Norzy all irritated. Stupid stupid. They make me feel like the loser of all losers. Rahh...

*****************

In a previous mail, Norzy mentioned that I'm "always ready". I think it's a curse D: For the entire week, I have not been ready for anything. At all.. Especially for TSD. Why is my whole life circling around it?! Omg. I feel worse. Rahhh somemore. And I still have loads to do. I got ZERO for the damned 10min-mathquiz. Hahahaha.. Perfect.

Can sooomeooone please tell me how I can show FRAGILITY OF A HUMAN'S INTEGRITY TO SOCIETY'S PRESSURE???!

************************

While taking the bus home today, the innocence and amount of fear a child can get hit me today. A mother and her daughter and son came down from the upper deck. The mother and daughter got off the bus. And before the boy could get off, the door closed right in front of his face. He just stood there and stare. I could see the fear in his eyes. He had really pretty eyes, super big and round. And wet. And he had nice hair. He was so tiny...
He got down in the end, I pressed the bell (: But I realised that at moments like this, I go totally mute. I've always mocked at how people in drama serials go mute when they get scared and my sis and I will be yelling at the mute women in shock because of whatever reason. Now I realise how it feels.
Actually, no. I remembered how it felt.
The first time I realised this, was stupid. The first time I realised it was on the bus too. When some pale fat freak tried to touch me. I stood up in shock and just stared at him while he stared out the window. And people thought I was the freak. You just don't know what to say.. I still hate that asshole.
Anyway, thank god the boy got off. Otherwise I'd probably would've got him to get off the next stop and walk with him to look for his mama.. Or maybe try convincing him first. Hahaha, I like to imagine you see. Imagine....

*****************

I bought my mortal something (: Heh. Heh. Heh.

TGIF!

2008-01-25T22:43:00.000+08:00

Yes, thank God it's Friday (:

Anyway, I am still busy, and only wanted to share THIS with anyone out there. I really really like the title of the article haha.

And I wanna let everyone know that *sob* I *sob* love A06!

Ta!

fragile.

2008-01-21T22:16:00.000+08:00

I heard someone's going to die tomorrow.
I don't know how to put it nicely.
But although I know nothing about it, I must say it's such a pity.
Love those you have now.
Promise promise promise me you will.

*********************

Today Kim and I met this little boy at Whitesands. He was tiny and had great big black eyebags. He was pointing at someone, yelling "YOU ARE A FATTY-BOMBOM!" And I turned to stare at him. Guess what happened next..

He pointed at me, still laughing, and went "AND YOU ARE A SKINNY-BOMBOM!"
.
.
.

-.-"

Lol. I yelled back. "You also ah!"

Buay Ta Han.

********************

Nothing else happened. Only that my parents said it's okay if I don't wanna go to the Uni and if I want to make shit out of my life. So long as I know what I'm doing, and it's morally right aand.. I can survive on whatever money I'll earn.

(: at least that sounds nice enough.